I my ward, there were many part member families. In two of my friends’ cases the mother was a member and the father was not.

In both cases, the fathers were supportive of their children going to Primary because the kids were eager to go and they appreciated the messages their children were being taught.

But sacrament meeting was tough for their wives. Being alone with 3 or more squirming kids on the pew can be frustrating. Both of my friends asked (pleaded) with their good husbands to help them just for one hour at church. At first, their husbands showed up in work jeans and T Shirts, making a point. “I’m here for her – don’t try to preach to me!” But as the years passed, the sacrament meeting messages worked their way into the hearts of these two men. They made friends in the halls, dropping their kids off in nursery and to Primary. They stayed longer and attended more of the meetings.

I attended the Temple sealings of both of these families. Those are favorite memories of mine. In both cases, it was the prayers of their own children that touched the hearts of the fathers and made them slowly change their behaviors and ask the missionaries to teach them more.

You can do it! Making these good changes in your own life will inspire your children to choose the right. Your husband may also see a change in you that he appreciates and may want to learn more. Openly hold Family Home Evening in your home and ask your husband to participate. Remember to pray aloud during family and meal prayers and teach your children to do so as well.

I am hopeful for you. What exciting times in your family! Mothers can change the whole dynamic of their families and can change the lives of generations to come for the better by embracing and teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their homes.

You are on the right path, and like I said before: You can do it!

Notes from the meeting:
One women said, “I know many women struggle with guilt. I am of the impression that there is a good kind of guilt and a bad kind of guilt, could you elude to the kind of guilt we should and shouldn’t listen to.” Sister Beck at this point got pretty teary, then she said, Because you are a Daughter of God, he would never tear you down. Any voice that tells you you are not enough – is from Satan. The voice that says – You can do better, and I will help you – is from the Savior.
The next 2 questions were the last 2 questions, so she took them both before answering. 1st question-What can we say to bring comfort to women who have families struggling with sames sex attractions? and the 2nd Question-What can we do to help women who are married to men who do not share their faith? Sister Beck commented that the answer was actually the same for both of these questions. She said whether your trial is cancer, financial struggles, naughty children, same sex attraction, a lack of unity in marriage, a single member family, a widower, or divorced with children, the answer is still the same. She then referred to “The family a proclamation to the world”. She quoted one of my favorite parts, so I will quote it in here as well. “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of Faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” No matter what your circumstance is, the gospel and its truthfulness remains the same.

As to the Word of Wisdom – Living this law takes great faith, especially for those already addicted to the substances we are counseled to avoid. Don’t waste time in weighing yourself down with guilt. Prayerfully tackle the addictions (maybe overcome one at a time?). Ask for your husband’s support in quitting. Explain your choices independent of church doctrine. An example of what I mean by that: Instead of saying, “I want you to help me stop smoking because the church says I should.” you could say, “I want to stop smoking because I feel it would improve my life. I want to live longer and be healthy. Could you support me in doing this?” And then discuss specific ways you would like your spouse to help you (eg. join you in quitting, not smoke around you, give gentle reminders or rewards for success).

The church has a great addiction program to help those who are addicted to anything. Check it out at providentliving.org

Don’t keep yourself away from the church because of your current circumstances, saying that you will go when you’ve fixed everything. The church is a hospital for sinners, we need it because we’re trying to get better, we need each other’s support. I had a stake president who said he loved to smell cigarette smoke lingering on someone’s clothing at church, because it meant they were in the right place!

As to dealing with a spouse who doesn’t share your love of the gospel- This situation is like most family issues, an opportunity for growth and to exercise Christ-like qualities. It is not easy, but it can be done. Try to have open communication, even when you disagree, do your best to keep your emotions in check and not get defensive. Allow your spouse their agency, no one should feel coerced or forced to make specific choices. Love them freely and ask the Lord, through daily prayer, to give you a greater measure of love for them.

Lastly, know that you are an influence for good in your family. Every time my mother went to church without my father I was blessed, directly or indirectly (so was she). The scriptures tell us that a husband can be blessed by a righteous wife. Holding to as much of the Mormon ideal of family as possible, while maintaining harmony (COMPROMISE), enables everyone to have a better life.

I have found these things to apply to me as well, even though my husband is active, we still disagree about how fully to live the gospel. The teachings of the church about creating a good family are applicable, no matter what religion you are.