Healing from Pornography Addiction: Hope for Addicts, Spouses

Jan 23, 2011 by

  

“Gently Up the Stream” – © 2003 by Linda J Curley Christensen
Used by permission of the artist.

This week, we will be devoting several posts to helping the many people whose lives have been affected by the plague of pornography addiction. Much of our focus will be to reach out to women whose husbands (or boyfriends) struggle with pornography / sexual addiction, but we hope the content will be helpful for anyone who knows and cares about someone with a an addiction, and for addicts themselves. 

Tomorrow, we’ll be sharing more of Rhyll Croshaw’s story. She and her husband, Steven, have been working through this trial for over 30 years. As you can imagine, there have been many ups and downs in their journey together. The painting above, “Gently Up the Stream,” has become a symbol for them, both of what they have learned and what they need to continually focus on.

Rhyll writes:

I see myself as the woman in the left canoe. I am gently rowing my canoe, doing my own work to heal. My husband is gently rowing his canoe working his recovery daily. Thankfully we are still in the same river, headed in the same direction and close to each other but I know that I have choices. I can stay or I can go and there are many women who out of no fault of their own have had to leave their marriages. But the biggest choice that I make every day is how I feel. If I live in the past I live with resentment, bitterness and victim. If I live in the future, I live with fear which paralyzes me. I choose to live in the present and feel gratitude for the present blessings and gifts that are mine. I live where my feet are…one day at a time.

Steve’s thoughts about the painting are captured further in this article, Recovery from Porn Addiction is Possible:

Upstream from the rowers “is beautiful light and trees and it just looks so inviting,” said Steven. Down stream, however, is a dark place with a large drop off, rapids and big rocks.

The print was a gift to the Croshaws from their son. The painting contains a message that still resonates with the entire family. Both Steven and Rhyll have to make an effort in recovery and each has an individual role.

“I am not paddling her canoe and she is not paddling mine,” said Steven. Instead they are each moving in the same direction, side by side. To reach the beautiful place they seek, both have to keep moving forward, Steven explained.

We hope this painting can be a symbol for others working upstream against these same, difficult waters, who have questions swirling in their minds:

 ”What should I do?”

“What  now?”

“Should I stay in my marriage, or is the addiction a reason to leave?”

“Is this my fault?”

“Is there hope?”

What can I do?

There is hope. There is the potential for healing and recovery, for both addicts and their spouses and loved ones. It is a difficult journey that requires effort, but as Linda Curley Christensen, the painting’s artist notes, “If life is compared to a river, it is easy to imagine floating with the current ‘gently down the stream’, but I have never found any good and worthwhile thing that came of its own accord, just the opposite.  Every worthy goal takes constant, if gentle, effort.”

We reach out to any of you whose lives have been affected by pornography addiction, and hope that the content and resources we share over the next few days and throughout the coming weeks can be of help to you. We offer our thanks in advance to all those who have or will be sharing their stories and/or who have provided resources to help those affected by pornography / sexual addictions. Special thanks today to Linda Curley Christensen for allowing us to share her painting here at Mormon Women.

We encourage anyone who feels inclined to share their personal experiences to do so, either in the comments or by sending us an email at gmail, with either of the following usernames: ‘mormonwomen’ or ‘mormonwoman’ 

We do ask that all comments be respectful to others who are opening up here on this site. Recovery and healing from pornography addiction is a process, not an event, and people may be at different stages of the process when they share.

6 Comments

  1. Janelle

    I am so thankful for this post.

    I am particularly thankful for Linda Christensen Curley’s art and particularly her statement about it’s origin. Despite not struggling with a pornography addiction, I hope that my consistent efforts in other areas of my life will lead me (and others if they choose) upstream as well.

  2. My friend and I were talking about this last week and I mentioned that I had never ever heard a success story in the fight against a pornography addiction. That gave her pause to think, but we didn’t really come up with anything. Somehow we only hear about failed marriages and fights against addiction. I hope to hear some uplifting experiences in this area.

  3. mormonwomen

    Janelle,

    As I have done research on this topic, it’s clear to me that there are many principles that apply to any of us, regardless of what our weakness and trials may be.

    Michelle,
    Thanks for your comment. Stay tuned…we will be sharing / linking to some success stories this week as part of our effort to address this topic more fully.

  4. Janelle

    Some comments on this topic are also going on on an earlier post at
    http://mormonwoman.org/2011/01/09/how-can-i-deal-with-my-spouses-pornography-addiction/

  5. Thank you for sharing this information. It is wonderful people like yourself that are helping to get the word out and increase hope in recovery from Pornography Addiction. We believe the following sites are very useful in gathering information on how to overcome pornography addiction.

    http://salifeline.org
    http://rhyllcroshaw.com
    http://lifestarnetwork.com
    http://pornharms.com/

  6. Dayane Peace

    I believe wives have the right to leave the marriage without feeling guilty and without the pressure of people. Only women in this situation can understand the suffering. Women usually have the pressure that if the husband cheat on her she has to forgive him for the “good” of the family. Or if the husband is an porn addicted she has to help him to recover because she has to be a “good” wife NO! we have the choice and right to leave if we want no feeling GUILTY at all!!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. When a Husband is Addicted to Porn | Hope for LDS Women | Mormon Women - About LDS Life and Belief - [...] “Gently Up the Stream” – © 2003 by Linda J Curley Christensen Used by permission of the artist. For …
  2. Finding Healing as a Wife of a Sex/Porn Addict | Hope and Healing – Porn Addiction Education and Recovery - [...] You can read more about this painting and more about Rhyll and Steven’s story here: Healing from Pornography Addiction: …

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