Ask a Mormon Woman: Why Do Mormons Have So Many Kids?
So why do Mormons, on average, choose to have larger families?
Because we want them!
Also because key points of our doctrine focus on family life.
1. We believe that we lived as spirit children of our Heavenly Father before we came to earth. We also believe that all of God’s children need to obtain a body to progress.
2. We believe that the commandment God gave to Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth is still in effect.
3. Because of Jesus Christ‘s Atonement, and through ordinances performed in temples, family relationships can continue beyond the grave. Children can be a source of joy and happiness not only in this life but in the life to come.
The most succinct document explaining our Church’s doctrines on children is The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Here are some quotes from that document that highlight what Mormons believe about children and family.
“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.”
“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.”
“We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”
“We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.”
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”
“Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.”
“…fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”
The choice to bear and rear children is a sacred and personal one. There is absolutely no doctrine of our church that prescribes the number of children a couple should have. Agency, or the ability to choose (and the accountability for our choices) is a critical tenet of our faith. There are many LDS couples as well as single individuals who desperately long for children and family. Others consider personal circumstances like the health of the mother or financial restrictions that may influence family planning decisions.
Individual circumstances and choices vary but as we strive to be disciples of Jesus Christ we seek to follow His example of loving little children.
Mark 10:14 – Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: For such is the kingdom of God.
“It is our solemn duty, our precious privilege—even our sacred opportunity—to welcome to our homes and to our hearts the children who grace our lives.” Thomas S. Monson, “Precious Children, a Gift from God,” Ensign, June 2000, 2
You might also be interested in the following:
lds.org article on birth control
Ask a Mormon Woman: What are Mormon views on pregnancy, childbirth, and medical intervention?
**Please note: The answers in “Ask a Mormon Woman” reflect the thoughts, perspectives, and experiences of individuals. Although here at Mormon Women: Who We Are, we strive to have our content consistent with the Church’s doctrine and teachings, we do not speak officially for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For official information about or from the Church, please visit www.mormon.org or www.lds.org.
Have a question you would like to ask? Send an email to us at gmail, with username ‘mormonwoman’
Related Posts
-
NieNie Videos: New Baby, Today Show, Anderson Cooper show
Posted on May 17, 2012
-
More Mother’s Day Videos and Links
Posted on May 13, 2012
-
Mother’s Day Posts – Links we Like
Posted on May 12, 2012
-
Mother’s Day Tribute — Song and Video
Posted on May 10, 2012
Tags
Share This
Not a woman, but I’ll provide the opinion of my wife and I.
We have more children because the world needs more hope. And nothing brings hope into the world or into the heart of a mother and father than a child. And we’re both confident enough (borderline arrogant?) in our firm belief that what we have to offer our children will improve not only them, ourselves, but the world at large.
This was a delightful post. When I was raising my 6 children; individuals would often ask if they were all mine. When I would say yes; they would be amazed! I get the same response whenever I share that I have 30 grandchildren. I treasure them all!
Blessings to you!
chris,
Men’s voices are definitely welcome here. Thank you for sharing your perspective!
LeAnn, I think sometimes people aren’t even sure what to do about the reality that ‘they are all yours.’ Thanks for sharing your delight with your family.
~Michelle
editor
Well done — and some of us had to start our families just for the sake of #2!!
Does it not go back to the original tenets of your beliefs, as your church’s beliefs have changed through the years, that the larger amounts of children are due to the overwhelming desire of your fellow congregants to dominate the world?……
Fred,
Thanks for your comment. World domination is a lofty goal, but it is not one of the objectives of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
From the official Church website: “All leaders and other Church members are to help accomplish the mission of the Church, which is to invite all people to “come unto Christ, and be perfected in Him”
Years ago when we were vacationing in Florida, my 16 year old daughter was poolside doing some homework. A woman asked her if all those kids (we have six) were her brothers and sisters. She said yes. The woman said–” you must be Catholics or Mormons to have that many”. My daughter with much more wisdom than her 16 years replied– “well we are Mormons but I think my parents really love kids”
First I would like to address Fred’s comments that our church’s beliefs have changed through the years. As Janelle said, there is no doctrine pertaining to the amount of children one should have but it is less common to have 8 or 9 kids (I come from a family of
simply due to economics. Simply being able to afford a brood of kids and a car with enough seatbelts for all of them is a challenge.
I love my three children so much and they bring me tons of joy, so much more than a career or nice clothes or designer shoes ever brought me, and those relationships last so much longer than any of those other things. Parents can always count on that as being part of their identity–it can’t be taken away from them. However a job or a career could end at any time.
Sorry for the typo–I come from a family of 8. Also, I should have added that I would have had more kids if I didn’t have fertility issues.
What is so significant about having at least 5 children? Is there a specific doctrine that calls for parents to reach that number?
Alex,
Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for your question.
I would be interested where you got that number or the notion that there is a specific minimum number of children Mormon families are “supposed” to have. In reality, there is no doctrine that prescribes any number. Note this from the original post: “There is absolutely no doctrine of our church that prescribes the number of children a couple should have. ”
You can also see more about that fact in this lds.org index article on birth control: “The decision of how many children to have and when to have them is a private matter for the husband and wife….Decisions about birth control and the consequences of those decisions rest solely with each married couple.”
I live in a neighborhood that is heavily LDS, and 90% of the families have 5 children. Growing up, you could always tell a family was LDS because they had 5 children.
In fact, in conversations with LDS mothers, you can ask them “are you going to have your 5″ and they will respond with something like, “well, I’m really going to try…”
So, I was just curious if it was just a goal or if it was doctrine.
Alex, great to hear back from you. Sounds like it was a sort of joke (“are you going to have your five?”) in the local culture (I grew up in a primarily LDS location as well and never heard something like that). That said, the pattern of larger families there is a good example of how the doctrine can impact people’s choices. Interesting to see it that numerically consistent, however!
my late husband used to joke that most Mormon families at that time, drove vans, had 5 kids, and wife played the piano. Pretty accurate. I for one, am glad that people are having as many children as they want, and that they are trying to teaching them to be productive citizens.
A few months late to the thread, but to add my 2 cents…these days people in general don’t seem to consider a family big until you hit 5 kids. That seems odd since I remember hearing “2.5 kids” was the norm growing up–wouldn’t that mean anyone with 3+ kids has a “big” family? As for me, we never planned to have more than 4, but 5 came along and we now can’t see how we lived without him although for me, 5 is a lot of strain on the mind, spirit, and pocketbook. I don’t know how I do it to be honest.
this may sound rude of me, but i think that having many children in not what people should think about these days. the earth’s population now has reached 7 billion and in the year 2025 it is believed that it will reach the amazing number of 8 billion. i’m sorry to say that this means we might actually need another planed like earth to be able to sustain ourselves. people will no longer work for money but for food. having many children is not the answer. stop thinking about what might happen in another life after you die and start thinking about what is happening now on earth, and what will happen to the next generations because at this rate the future does not seem bright to anyone.
KiKi,
I can see your point of view on the earth being populated. But, overall…our Heavenly Father (God) is NOT an idiot…but brilliant!
If a lovely lady has a child…that child is here for a reason and NEVER a mistake! When people start trying to take things into their own hands and mess with Mother Nature…it DOES NOT work. Look at China….they only favor having males…now they have serious issues (1 girl per 50 boys). That is not natural and I can’t imagine being a man there and looking for a wife. what a joke. Also, every time I turn on the news…an earthquake killed 1500 people,…a tsunami killed 15,000….a war killed 50,000…soo..many woman are not even able to concieve and have the their own children…..the list goes on. God can flood the earth if he wanted to RIGHT now…he knows how to keep things in balance…and someone having 5 kids instead of 2 really isn’t a substancial solution. Trust God. 
Thank you!
You are dreaming I’d you think any parent in a restaurant is envious of someone with 4 children. I smile and say “how lovely” or “Wonderful” when I meet a large family. I’m being polite, not wishing I could change places.
Janelle, why don’t you get off your high horse about ALL YOUR CHILDREN! I have three kids but I would never have the self-righteous attitude you just displayed. If you know anything about the Bible you would know that arrogance and prdie are not traits God wants in people.
Sara,
If you knew Janelle, you might engage this post a little differently. I read her as sharing the joy and gratitude she feels at being a mother, and the importance placed on having children in our doctrine.
Please try engaging her post with a different lens on. You might see something else besides pride or self-righteousness.
Michelle
Editor
Sara, I wrote this post several months ago and after reading your comment I decided to to edit out my personal experiences.
I’m sorry the two experiences I shared didn’t translate well over the Internet. When that impeccably dressed woman who saw me looking disheveled and encumbered by my children at a local restaurant took the time to look me in the eye and sincerely tell me, “I’d trade you places in a minute,” she made me feel like a queen. The experience really made me count my blessings, especially the four little blessings that call me mom.
Again I didn’t wish to offend I just wanted to offer a personal experience as a segue to explaining the doctrines of the LDS faith that may influence a couple’s personal choice on family size.
I’m not Mormon but I personally love Mormon people. They are well respected, raise great kids and make large families a little brighter every day. We have a family with 5 kids and we’re so very happy to say that. I don’t think I find arrogance in my happiness. Kids are a blessing whether you have 1 or 20. Parent’s wouldn’t have the amount they have if they didn’t have their own personal reason.
To the poster worried about resources. We grow our own food, recycle, only own one vehicle and have no credit cards. We home-school so no teachers are overwhelmed and we live more green than some people I know with less kids. That being said… we can all make adjustments to benefit our planet, economy and community, but I think robbing our fellow humans from the promise of potential isn’t for us.
Vanessa, thanks for taking the time to comment and share your thoughts and personal experience and choices.
I hope others will understand that we share the perspective that “kids are a blessing, whether you have 1 or 20.”
We also know that you can’t necessarily measure a couple’s love for or desire for children simply by the number they have.
You 5+ kids people are all crazy! If you…believe in loving children so much then WHY DON’T YOU ADOPT!!!!??? There are millions of orphans in the U.S. and all over the world whom would love a place in you’re humble, “sacred” lives. All this talk is about just wanting kids so much is just brainwashed junk concealing the Truth.
Britt,
You might be interested to know that many Mormons DO adopt, and they foster, too. See the following posts, for example:
http://mormonwoman.org/2009/10/27/adoption-by-amanda/
http://mormonwoman.org/2009/11/27/a-mothers-love/
http://mormonwoman.org/2009/10/24/links-we-like-videos-2/
http://mormonwoman.org/2009/07/21/first-person-god-knows-me/
http://mormonwoman.org/2010/02/09/first-person-fostering-love/
http://mormonwoman.org/2010/01/31/relief-trip-to-haiti-ends-with-adoption-for-mormon-couple/
Couple of quick questions.
Firstly, how would it be viewed if a woman were to make the decision not to get married at all but still wished to remain a member of the church? Or, even more relevantly to this post, what would happen if a married woman wished to not to have children with her husband at all?
My second question is concerning fertility treatment. Obviously the church condems abortion as most faiths do but does the church rule against IVF treatment also? It is often said that abortion is against God’s will as only He can chose a life to be. What of the interference of His decision for life to NOT be?
Alex,
I recently read an article in LDSliving magazine where Julie B. Beck, the President of our worldwide womens’ group, said that a full 50% of LDS women over 18 are single. That statistic does not indicate how many of them want or choose to be single but it does tell me that there are some women facing the questions you posed above.
I am going to give you my opinions, which are not to be construed as official church doctrine, as answers to your questions.
1. How would it be viewed if a woman were to make the decision to not get married at all? There are many LDS women are single by choice, some are single because they have yet to find a suitor who suits them. Others may be a widow or a divorcee who does not want to marry again. There are a myriad of reasons a woman would choose not to marry but I think the point here is women have the absolute choice whether or not they want to marry. A young woman may feel influenced by cultural expectations based on our doctrines to marry because we believe that marriages and families can be forever, but all women are welcome at our services, activities and in the community regardless of marital status.
2. What would happen if a married woman chose not to have children with her husband? Again I want to reiterate that there is no doctrine of our faith that prescribes the number of children a couple should have. Hopefully a couple would discuss children before marriage and each partner would respect the views of the other. But I do think the reality is that a husband or wife in the LDS faith who found out their spouse did not want children would be sorely disappointed. On LDS.org in the link I gave above about birth control it states, “Children are one of the greatest blessings in life, and their birth into loving and nurturing families is central to God’s purposes for humanity. When husband and wife are physically able, they have the privilege and responsibility to bring children into the world and to nurture them.”
3. What about In Vitro Fertilization? I do not know if there is a specific church doctrine or link I could provide you on this topic. When I asked my husband he said, “There’s not an official church doctrine on getting a triple bypass either.” He’s kind of a smart Alec so take that with a grain of salt. But I do know many couples who have used this method to grow their family and they see it as a miracle and great blessing. I personally do not think that God is excluded from the circle of life that is created through the use of IVF and the resultant children who are cherished. If I find anything concrete on this subject I’ll be sure to comment again and link.
I would however like to point you to a talk given by one of our Apostles, Neil A. Andersen, entitled Children:
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng&query=children+(name%3a%22Neil+L.+Andersen%22)
I guess you’ll need to cut and paste that into your browser because I couldn’t get the hyperlink to work.
Thanks for asking such great questions!
On a lighter note and just because I thought it was funny. My daughter was in her Young Women class a few months ago and felt somewhat envious that her teacher ate a granola bar on fast Sunday. Her teacher, who was pregnant at the time explained that pregnant and breast feeding women aren’t required to fast due to the health of the woman and child. My daughter replied, “You don’t have to fast if you’re pregnant or breast feeding? No wonder Mormons have so many kids!”
My own experience…I have 5. Not because that was the magic number we thought we should have but because we were wanting 7 but due to complications had to stop with that number. My husband came from a large family, I was the oldest of 4. We wanted a big family simply because we love kids so much. They always have someone to play with, support them, stand up for them, talk to, share their talents and skills with, and with the girls- share clothes with. Some of them think we’re too old to understand but there’s always a brother or sister there that can “relate”. We’re far from perfect but I wouldn’t change a thing.
As a new convert, I had wondered about how many children women should have. I am well past all that, but my concern would be that a woman not have so many that her health is compromised too early in life. Mom needs to be healthy at least until her youngest is married, I think. I’d guess not more than 5 or 6 at the most. Sure we want the spirit children to have bodies but I think it is also important for our own children to have a healthy mom.
Gwen, health of the mother is something that is definitely important to consider, and is something leaders have talked about through the years. Here’s a part of what it says about making decisions about family planning at lds.org: “Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families. Issues to consider include the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their capacity to provide the basic necessities of life for their children.”
That said, there are many women who have had more than 5 or 6 and still been able to maintain their health.
I know on the flip side from personal experience that in seeking personal revelation, God can also give guidance to have fewer than 5 or 6 — my health has not been good and we have felt it would be unwise for us to have any more.
It’s a wonderful thing to know that God knows our individual situations and can help us make these eternally-important decisions.
I’m an LDS woman who was adopted, I know many adopted LDS people so we are not just having our own children while ignoring the parentless children of the world. We have one family in our ward that has 6 adopted children, several are special needs children in fact. LDS families are encouraged to be self-sufficient, growing gardens, repairing our clothes to avoid buying new, mother staying at home to raise the children unless absolutely necessary for her to work to help her husband, to avoid debt by living with our means. When we do so then we won’t be putting ourselves in debt by buying the latest and greatest, dressing in fine clothes, large beautiful houses lacking family members to fill it,ect. I also believe that our Heavenly Father has provided a world large enough for all of His children, that He does not make mistakes and that we are to obey His words and commandments. My husband and I have 6 delightful children, I am a stay at home mother, I home school them all, most of our food is homemade, we rarely buy anything brand new and most of what we own is given to us by those who have no more use for them. We don’t have credit cards, we rarely go out to eat, we sometimes go on vacations but are a happy family. We are not proud people but we take pride in what we do and how we do it. We are well taken care of and blessed by our Heavenly Father because we work hard to be faithful and do what we are commanded to do.