After graduating from BYU I was working and living in Salt Lake City, but still had a lot of friends in Provo. One weekend my friend Angela invited me down to float the Provo river with her and some friends. I brought my boyfriend and his niece down with me from Salt Lake and since it was a very hot day, we were all thrilled to have an activity that could cool us off. The Provo river was shallow that day. At any given time I could stand up next to my innertube to readjust my position. Because of that, I didn’t wear a life jacket. We did have my boyfriend’s (now husband’s) niece wear a life jacket however because she was only eight.

We had a great time splashing and floating our way down the Provo river until we came to a bridge. At the bridge, the river became much deeper and there were a lot of logs and debris built up upon the pillars of the bridge, but I saw a clear path to the right. I steered my tube toward the clearing too late and both my niece and I ended up being caught against the logs and branches. Her life jacket kept her up but I was sucked down and pinned. It was dark and I could feel the river pressing my skin into the sharp branches.

A voice came into my mind. “Swim down. Swim down and look for the light.” Extreme calm poured over my body and I pushed off of the branches and swam down looking for a hole in the dam. I could see through the murkiness a green light near the river bottom and I headed for it. At the bottom, there was a huge area for me to swim through, but the current was strong enough that it easily pushed me through and I popped up in a calm area on the other side of the debris. When I surfaced I was greeted by the terrified face of my boyfriend who was running back to get us on the side of the river. He yelled, “You were under water for SO long! Are you OK?” I felt more than OK, I felt saved. He hurried past me to help his niece who had climbed up over the branches and was crying.

I have since learned how dangerous getting pinned in a “strainer” can be. The river water was able to pass through the branches, but I could not, and the sucking pressure from the water may have kept me from re-emerging. In all the rafting trips I’ve taken since, I’ve learned that the best possible way to survive a strainer is to climb up and over. I’m not sure I could have gone up, because of the great downward sucking power I felt. By the power of the Holy Ghost, I was given the message to “swim down” and it saved my life.

When I think back to this experience, I can physically remember the calm experienced by my body. The calm felt a lot like joy. When I resurfaced I felt as though I had had a powerful spiritual experience. There is a scripture about the Holy Ghost found in 2 Nephi 32:5 that I often ponder on as I look back on this experience,

If ye enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.

Most of the time, the Holy Ghost brings scriptures into my mind that focus on the teachings of Jesus Christ and how they relate to my everyday life. I often feel tears springing to my eyes when I feel the Holy Ghost testify to me that Jesus is the Christ or that I a beloved daughter of my Heavenly Father. But in this case, the Holy Ghost gave me specific direction that that fit my situation. When I listen for the calm promptings of the Holy Ghost, He aids me by giving both temporal and spiritual direction.

Lately, I’ve had a lot of reminders to repent (quickly!) after using too harsh of tone with a child, to “Remember to pay your state taxes too!”, to turn off a heating pad that was left on in the middle of the night, and to tell my husband how much I appreciate him. I have learned to listen to this voice as He has always led me toward the light just as it did that day as I gratefully swam toward the murky green light at the bottom of the Provo river.

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To read more about what Mormons believe about the Holy Ghost, please read the following links.

The Holy Ghost

The Gift Of The Holy Ghost – A Sure Compass by James E. Faust

Seeking to know God, Our Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ by Robert D. Hales

As I send my family out into the world each day, to school, to work, to spend time with others, I worry about how they will fare and what new challenge might walk through the door with them come afternoon and evening. And when the world does its worst and I draw them back into the haven of home, tend to their wounds, and keep them nestled under my wing to heal, I worry sometimes that I could be hurting them more than helping. Because, if there is one thing I have learned through the challenges that most families face, as well as a few that many don’t, it’s that challenges and trials and hard times and life lessons are what make us the people we are meant to be.

The expression, “when it rains, it pours” so often seems true—so true, in fact, that it’s difficult, if not impossible, to anticipate the flowers that spring to life in the wake of the storm. However, the more storms of life that I endure, the more hopeful and sure I am that the blessings—the ones I need and will truly make me happiest even if they aren’t always the ones I believe I want—will follow when the time is right.

Neal A. Maxwell, a former (now deceased) member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, said “One’s life cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free. Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, ‘Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!’”(Ensign, May 1991)

Through the adversities of life I have learned that I cannot hope to fully share in the joy of the Lord without passing through grief, sorrow, pain, opposition and betrayal. A personal example of this has been the challenges our family faces through dealing with the multiple disabilities suffered by my oldest child. In the beginning, I spent years attempting to “fix” him. At one point I remember feeling extremely frustrated and complaining that “he gets in the way of everything!” As time has passed, I have grown to cherish him and his differences above and beyond that of a mother for her son. He is, in fact, not “in the way” but “the way”, because he helps me to become more like the Savior.

When I feel discouraged and incapable of enduring the trials ahead, I remember the line in Malachi 3:3 which states “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” Silver must be set in the middle of the flames where the fire is hottest in order to burn out all of the impurities. The silversmith must hold it in the fire and keep his eyes on it the entire time so as to pull it out before it is destroyed. He does this until the silver is fully refined and knows when the time has come when he sees his face reflected in the shiny surface. Like the silversmith, our Lord and Savior sometimes holds us in the fire to burn out the impurities. He does not leave us there alone; indeed, we are in His specific care as He watches to pull us from the flames when the time is right. We cannot know when that is but He knows it is time when He can see His face reflected in our own.

To have the Savior’s face reflected in my own is the desire of my heart. To be able to live with Him again and to fulfill the measure of my potential here in this life is a far greater reward than any honor or accolade bestowed by mankind. I know that it is through trials and challenges, as well as joy and blessings, that I can become the person I am meant to be.

For this reason, adversity is sweet.

This video shares some recent words from Elder Robert D. Hales on the subject. Videos below are in English and in Spanish.

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:

Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice and Accountability
Good Works
Integrity and
Virtue

We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values,
we will be prepared to
strengthen home and family,
make and keep sacred covenants,
receive the ordinances of the temple,
and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

-Young Women Theme of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Every Sunday for a majority of my life I have recited this theme, and my daughter now recites it too. Although it is short it teaches a multitude of concepts valuable to a growing teenage girl. This theme springs from a program suited to the needs of girls that are quickly becoming adults in a complicated world, the Young Women’s Program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Because our society is full of ills and confusing ideas, I am grateful that I had this bountiful program as a support during my youth, that my teenage daughter has it to reinforce the values we teach at home, and that I have the opportunity to serve other young women, my sisters, in this special organization that God has created for his precious daughters.

As a teenager I became aware of the ways that my home was different from the idyllic family life the church espouses. This gap that sometimes existed between the ideals taught and my imperfect family life was difficult to navigate and understand. The wonderful leaders I had in the Young Women program and the virtues I learned there helped me increase in my testimony of Jesus Christ, while still participating in an imperfect family (as we all are!). On days that I felt lost and alone, I remembered what I learned at church, that I am a daughter of God and he is always there for me. In the years since graduating out of the YW program (at 18) I have been amazed by the influence it still has in my life. The skills I learned, the fun I had, the examples of righteous living I witnessed, the scriptures I read, the list goes on and on – it all continues to influence my life in great ways,

Now my teenage daughter is a Young Woman in the church. While her dad and I do all we can to teach her at home, we know that in this world it is not enough. We need support from another source, and so does she — and the youth program provides it. Recently one of her leaders said, “I’ve noticed such a huge difference in your daughter since the summer. She really is growing and increasing her testimony. But you probably already know that.”

Actually I did need her to tell me that! Although I’m with my daughter every day, it can be hard to gauge her overall growth. The leaders in the Young Women program act as a back-up example for my daughter. She sees that her dad and I aren’t the only ones telling her that she is precious, that God loves her, or that she should stay chaste. One aspect of the young women’s program is especially helpful to me as a parent, the Personal Progress Program. It is a series of goals based on the values in the theme that prepare girls for a successful life and strengthen their relationship with Christ. With life being as complicated as it is, we could tie ourselves in knots trying to address all her needs alone. The Young Women program is full, encompassing many areas of study (not only the gospel, but such things as education, community service, the arts, etc.) while at the same time being tailored to the needs and talents of each young woman. Through completing the Personal Progress Program my daughter will become strong in her testimony of Jesus Christ and well rounded.

With the Mormon Church being a church of lay clergy (not full-time or paid), every member has the opportunity to serve. Many of the responsibilities I have held in the church have been with the young women. I love teenagers! They are so fun, ever ready for a laugh, they make me feel young, and their growing testimonies are strengthening to my own. In this difficult world they valiantly stand up for what they know is true. When they do make mistakes they know that they can repent and that their Heavenly Father is ever ready to love and support them. Young women are precious to God, I feel his love for them as I serve.

(two young women after a flour fight in my kitchen)

Recently the world leader of the young women’s program, Elaine Dalton, said:
“Our desire is to help young women be worthy and pure and to prepare every young woman to receive the blessings and ordinances of the temple. We will work tirelessly with your daughters, with you, and with priesthood and Young Women leaders to protect and strengthen and prepare our precious young women to be virtuous and pure and live the standards that will help them be free and happy and allow them to reach their divine potential. We know that we are all elect daughters of God. We also know that each one of us has a great work to perform.”

It is wonderful to have the support of a church that has these ideals in mind for me, my daughter, and all young women.

Sometimes you hear stories of amazing miracles, and the video below is one of them. (And this is an amazing miracle, a blessing and answer to thousands of prayers. I’m moved by the gratitude of this Mormon family, recognizing God’s hand in their lives.)

But what of the stories of sadness, tragedy, loss, and grief — also after as many prayers have been offered and faith exercised? Does God love someone less because He allowed loss to happen? Does having faith always mean that we will get the answers we want?

Read a story of a tragic loss here –  and feel of the faith in this Mormon woman’s perspective, as she also recognizes God’s hand in her life and helps answer these questions.

Both of these stories, each with a completely different outcome, testify of the same truths: God is there. He hears and answers prayers. He is very aware of our lives. Life has a purpose.

And we testify that death is not the end.

Even though sometimes the miracles don’t come fully until the next life, they are still just as real.

Sometimes I think it’s all too easy to equate faith with being able to get what we want. But I sometimes see the strongest evidences of faith in those who don’t have their prayers answered as they would have liked. When I see their unbending hope, diligence, patience, and love — for God and others — as they move forward in spite of heartrending difficulties in the present time, I understand more the power of faith.

Who shall separate us from the ^alove of Christ? shall ^btribulation, or distress, or ^cpersecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are ^amore than ^bconquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to ^aseparate us from the ^blove of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35, 37-39)

How grateful I am for miracles — both those that come now, and those we know will also come later, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. How grateful I am for the faith of others that strengthens my own.

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Not long ago, I sat in our Sunday meetings at church and listened to a very well thought out, well prepared and inspired lesson on the remarkable Prophet Joseph Smith.  A few things really struck me as listened to the moving lesson. Most profound is that, I knew Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and that was re-confirmed to me with 100% certainty. I have always had very strong feelings about the Church and the truth of it and because of that, I have never questioned the validity of Joseph Smith because I knew it all to be true. Besides having been given the spiritual confirmation that he is a true prophet, there is no way a man would have endured what he did had he not believed in what he was doing to be irrevocably true. He endured so much, suffered so much and did so much to restore Christ’s gospel on the earth. What an amazing burden that must have been but he demonstrated faith beyond my comprehension. I fear I would have been a coward; I do not think I could have endured what he did. He loved his wife and children dearly yet to bring to pass “the work” it required him to be gone much of the time. I am not sure what quality of life he had, from what I have read he suffered a great deal but I am sure he knew the reward in heaven for blazing the trail and for preparing the way for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saint to thrive in the last days.

Joseph Smith had a very strong testimony and he wrote eloquently about his feelings. Below are a few quotes that I found rather moving.

“I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; and the only polishing I get is when some corner gets rubbed off by coming in contact with something else, striking with accelerated force against religious bigotry, priest-craft, lawyer-craft, doctor-craft, lying editors, suborned judges and jurors, and the authority of perjured executives, backed by mobs, blasphemers, licentious and corrupt men and women—all hell knocking off a corner here and a corner there. Thus I will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty.” (History of the Church, 5:401.)

That quote is so applicable to all our lives, we ARE refined and beautified through our trials and sometimes the attempts of adversary to weaken us actually makes us stronger and better.

Joseph Smith wrote the following from Liberty Jail after receiving letters from his loved ones:

“We need not say to you that the floodgates of our hearts were lifted and our eyes were a fountain of tears, but those who have not been enclosed in the walls of prison without cause or provocation, can have but little idea how sweet the voice of a friend is; one token of friendship from any source whatever awakens and calls into action every sympathetic feeling . . . until finally all enmity, malice and hatred, and past differences, misunderstandings and mismanagements are slain victorious at the feet of hope; and when the heart is sufficiently contrite, then the voice of inspiration steals along and whispers, ‘My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.’” H(istory of the Church, 3:293; the last portion of this paragraph was later canonized in D&C 121:7–8.)

What a beautiful verse of Scripture on what it feels like to be humble and to forgive others. How bright the light he must have been even amongst great darkness around him, he KNEW what he was doing and there was still great peace and light. Isn’t there a great lesson for us in these few words about how we handle our trials and our enemies?

As President of the Church, the Prophet Joseph received constant guidance from heaven. “It is my meditation all the day,” he said, “to know how I shall make the Saints of God comprehend the visions that roll like an overflowing surge before my mind.” (History of the Church, 5:362)

Oh, how I love this quote! He could not contain himself, he could not restrain himself, regardless of the consequence he was moved to righteous obedience in restoring this great gospel of Jesus Christ.

Joseph Smith has taught me that it is important to be courageous in the cause of Christ and that is OK to be unpopular in the eyes of others. Having a testimony of the gospel of Christ also means having a testimony of the man that gave his life restoring it. I am so grateful for him and for his remarkable work.

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For more on Joseph Smith, click here.

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“Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others.” (David O. McKay, from this talk)

Service is an answer for unhappiness. (Please understand that I am not saying that service is the answer for clinical depression or other mental illnesses, that is a hugely different issue.)

Many years ago I became acquainted with a wealthy woman (wealthy by my standards). One day we got onto the topic of paying tithing. She said, “Getting paid more doesn’t mean that paying tithing is any easier. It gets harder because that check is so large. You look at it and think, ‘Wow, that could almost buy a car!’” I realized that she was right, it hadn’t occurred to me before. Her statement stuck with me and recently I realized that I had that attitude, but in relation to service.

Recently I’ve been frustrated by the responsibilities my husband and I have at church. It seemed overwhelming that so much is asked of both of us. How could we take care of everything in our lives and perform the duties necessary at church? When I asked it of myself, of my husband, and of God, I thought it was a rhetorical question. Turns out God gave me an answer. The answer is that I have too many useless cares. I have too much good and better but not enough best.

This morning the lines to the hymn ‘Come Come Ye Saints’ ["saints" in our church simply means "members"] came into my mind:

“Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
’Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive;
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—
All is well! All is well!”
- William Clayton (LDS Hymns #30)

Specifically I thought of the line, “our useless cares from us to drive….” The service I perform is important, to some in desperate need it could even be called essential. My children and husband would say that my service in our home is essential. That is something worth caring about. What isn’t so obvious is what isn’t worth caring about, the useless cares. It is a waste of my precious energies to worry and care for useless things. Useless cares may be different for each individual; right now TV is on my list of useless cares, but it might not be one of yours.

A care that I thought was less important, but not exactly useless, was housework and maintaining a reasonably nice home. I am realizing that this is important and effects my family. After I cleaned the kitchen and cleared everything off the kitchen table, my son said, “Mom I like what you did with the table.” It was a little clue to me that I hadn’t been creating the right environment in my home. At the end of each day that I make an effort towards keeping a nice home I feel good. I’m not saying that this is something you need to care about (just like you’re not going to tell me to care about TV), but for me, and where I’m at in my progression, it is something that God wants me to care about.

I have to trust God enough to let Him lead me in a direction that roots out the useless cares of my life, choosing the path of selfless service. To me that is what the hymn means when it says, “No toil nor labor fear.” Choosing service usually involves a period of stress where I renegotiate my own priorities and find useless cares to eliminate. Through this process I find greater happiness, please God, and have the great benefit of aiding those in need.

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I recently found a picture that shows Jesus holding a little boy that looks just like my sweet three year old son.  I bought it and showed it to him as soon as I got home.

“’Oh! It’s Jesus holding Joshua! And Jesus said ‘I love you, Josh!’”

He decided he’d like the picture right next to his bed, so we went upstairs, got on pj’s, brushed teeth, and taped this picture to the wall right near his pillow.

He climbed in bed, turned at looked at the picture, and asked me “Do you remember that day, mom?”

Josh is my kid who loves our family photo albums most of all. He’ll flip pages very slowly, and tell you the story behind every single picture.

I asked him what day he wanted me to remember.

“Right there.  That day in the picture.  Remember when we went there?  Jesus gave me a hug and he whispered in my ear “I love you Joshua”.  Do you remember that day? I don’t really remember that day, mom.”

I could not convince Joshua that the picture next to his bed was a painting of a man that looked like Jesus holding a boy that looked like Joshua.  No – this was Jesus, and this was Josh.  Oh, his sweet innocence, my little lovely boy.

I leaned down and talked to him, looking in his gorgeous chocolate eyes.

Remember, Joshua, we haven’t gotten to hug Jesus since we were born.  I bet there was a time He did hug you and tell you He loved you.  You are right – Jesus loves you – and every one of us. And if He were here, I’m sure He’d pick you up, give you a big hug, and whisper “I love you Joshua” right in your ear.  Jesus loves you.  But since Jesus isn’t here, He gave us families to teach us and love us and protect us.  I am so happy Jesus let me be your mom.  I get to hug you. I get to love you, and I get to whisper in your ear “I love you Joshua”.

After I was done whispering in his ear, he shut his eyes, and I left the room, thinking that about this one thing I really want Joshua to know and carry with him in his heart forever:  Jesus knows him.  Jesus died for him, Joshua.  Jesus loves him.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you.  John 15:9

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For 12 months or more I have been a distracted disciple. A year ago we sold our home in hopes of finding the “perfect” place (within budget constraints) to raise our family in California. I now know that this search for perfection has distracted my mind and heart away from God. Since moving three times in one year, we found three things out about ourselves:

1. A bigger house didn’t make us any happier.
2. A spiffy neighborhood didn’t make us happier.
3. Our children attending a higher rated school didn’t make us any happier.

What previously made us happy was the people we served, the interconnectedness and interdependence of our previous neighborhood and lives. We have met and loved new people while living in our rental homes, but because we saw ourselves as transient, we didn’t throw ourselves into serving our neighbors and ward members. What a mistake! We sought to find ourselves a new life, but our self interest left us spiritually adrift.

About six months ago I realized I was off track and committed myself to follow a self-made discipleship chart. My chart included regular family prayer, family scripture study, service, temple work and visiting teaching with the assumption of keeping the commandments. I did okay, and admittedly was doing better than the months prior to starting my chart, but at the end of a few weeks of dutifully following my chart I was left feeling overwhelmed and undernourished. I learned that goals are good, and should be made to make me a more effective servant of the Lord, but true discipleship wasn’t in check-marks and to-do lists.

Months passed, and I continued to think about discipleship. Some clarity came to me while listening to our Primary sing “Love One Another” during sacrament meeting last Sunday. This song led me to ponder on some of my favorite teachings of Jesus Christ.

Mark 8: 35-36

35 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.
36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall again the whole world (or a perfect house), and lose his own soul?

John 13: 34-35

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye alove one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Matthew 22: 36- 40

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

In these scriptures I found a key to becoming a better disciple: love. I also found my perfect place to live: with God. What I missed most about my old life was how connected I felt to the Lord. I felt Him guiding me to serve my neighbors and friends. Realizing that loving God and serving others is what brings me happiness, has reduced the pressure to find the “perfect” place to live. Opportunities for love and service can be found everywhere. I don’t need to be a distracted disciple any longer. I can recommit. I can reconnect. I can repent. I can learn to love God “with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind” again.

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To read more on discipleship please read the following articles.

The Path of Discipleship – By Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Discipleship by James E. Faust

Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship by Robert E. Hales

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