A Mormons Woman’s story of conversion

~by Becky

I sat staring at the surf as I listened to the hypnotic rush of the waves.  My feet were going deeper into the wet sand as it disappeared and then covered them again.  It was one of those quiet moments, when, like it or not, my thoughts ran deep. It had happened before many times as I climbed the trees and sat up high staring at the sunset. Sometimes, it happened as I stared at the clouds as they formed into thunderheads or just floated into funny shapes as I gazed at them.  It was in those quiet moments that eternity seeped into my consciousness. What I didn’t understand was the strange feelings that always accompanied these thoughts. It was a combination of a longing, a deep questioning, a yearning for something unidentified. Strong, sure beliefs of my own had formed in these meditative moments. I was absolutely sure that I did not just become me when I was born.  Any other idea seemed absurd. I felt it in every fiber of my being: I am eternal. I also knew that somehow, some way I would have an eternal family of my own someday. The family I was born into never discussed either of these beliefs and it was not part of the doctrine of the church I had attended all my life. I also knew without a doubt that God was not some floating spirit out there who wasn’t real or who wasn’t interested in His children. I just knew that he and His Son, Jesus Christ, whom I loved dearly, were real and full of love.

I had read the Bible many times and it was as clear as anything could be to me that Jesus was talking to His Father, not to himself, in the scriptures. In fact, this was so obvious to me that I was shocked later to find out that my church, pastor, other believers, believed in a very incomprehensible thing to me; that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were all one being. How could that be? The Bible was clear-Jesus talked to His Father, His Father spoke to Him at his baptism and the Holy Ghost descended as a dove. To me,  this was as clear as anything could be.

Even though I had these thoughts and beliefs of my own at the young age of 17, I wasn’t particularly unhappy or unsettled about it. I was going on in my church and didn’t imagine that the answers were even out there. The only thing that couldn’t stop disturbing my peace were those strong feelings!  The deep emptiness and longing that I felt at times became the one thing I could not ignore. I didn’t expect the answer to these deep questions to come in the way that it did.

I was given a book with a name I had never heard of before, by a young man I was dating. It was blue with an angel blowing a trumpet on the front and the title was  The Book of Mormon. When I opened the book and read it, I felt such an incredible feeling! I was filled with a burning peace and light like I had only felt once before. I had felt this same incredible feeling when I had come to know and accept Jesus was indeed my Lord and Savior. Now, as I read this book, I felt it again-this book was testifying of Him! This book was an ancient record from people that had lived on the American continent who had come from Jerusalem. They kept a record of their lives. Most of the record covers from 600 B.C. to 421 A.D. But, the part that was the most exciting was that Jesus Christ came to visit these people after His resurrection. I had always wondered about the scripture in John 10:16-who were these other sheep?  Then I read in this new book of scripture where Jesus told them they are one of the “other sheep” he spoke about in the Bible.  This book was scripture like the Bible!  I was so excited!

Due to many persecutions and trials, it took me years to finally do something about my new-found knowledge that this book was true. In fact, I tried to go on without it. I tried to put it out of my mind. The price was so very high if I did do something about it. Due to many circumstances, I was not able to do anything about it until many years later. After 13 years of living without it, I knew I could no longer bear the emptiness, the cavernous hole inside of me. I knew I had to find the church that had this book. I did and was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was in my lessons to be baptized that I discovered the answers to those deep questions I had held all my life. Where did I come from? Why I am here?  Where do I go after I die?  All those questions were answered in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  It is glorious!  It is incredible!  Now, I look out at the clouds and no longer wonder-but I know with a knowledge that only the Holy Ghost can give.  Yes, you are eternal; yes, you can  have an eternal family; and yes, God, who is Heavenly Father, IS the Father of us all and Jesus Christ is His Son and the Holy Ghost testifies of all these truths. It is so wonderful, so sublime!

I hope you will seek out these answers too. They are right there before you!  Go and find them, as I did–the greatest treasure you can have!

All my life I’ve wanted just a little more sleep to do the right thing. To earn God’s love. Crazy I know but there it is. I tell people I’m a recovering oldest daughter. Must do it right.

Now it’s about pleasing God and not doing it right. That new attitude is the result of what I now call my happiness program but when I started it I called it my “survive-the-day” program. My first husband had gone off to live the life of a gay artist. I was a single mother and the sole financial support of eight children with my own business, finishing up my college degree and serving as the activity chairman in our ward. I had 48 hours of things to do each day and only 20 hours to do it.

That’s when I started my “survive-the-day” program. I figured God knew what was coming in the future – when a client might decide to change the appointment I’d just spent all night preparing for or a professor would give us extra time for a project. He knew what was essential. So each day I took my very long list of things I needed to do to God and asked Him what to do. He told me. He’d have me cross things off the list and add a couple of things I hadn’t listed (i.e., call and set visiting teaching appointments.) I did that. And God took my overburdened life, got it under control, sent my second husband Parker – a generous man of Scottish ancestry (he’ll give you the shirt off his back but not the money to buy it with) into my life and gave me a completely different life than I had written out on my five year goals.

Then I stopped doing it because, hey, my life was under control. Until it got out of control again. After I married Parker, I stopped being an executive in the high tech industry, started marketing products online, was serving as Relief Society president in our branch, and still had two sons and an additional two foster sons at home. Once again God took my life and made it work. More than made it work. Taught me, changed me and gave me new understanding that changed my life. What did I learn?

While serving as Relief Society president in our small branch I came to feel His total love for His daughters some of whom were messing up royally in my opinion, but apparently not in God’s, because He always just told me to bring them comfort and cheer not advice on how to shape up. After a couple of years it finally sank in that He loved imperfect me that much too. But I still kept trying to “do it right.”

Seven years ago we sold all of our stuff, got a friend to handle the Internet business and drove off to serve missions, using the program I now thought of as God’s “tasks-for-the-day” program to plan our days. Our first senior mission was Spanish-speaking Albuquerque, New Mexico where we did not learn to speak Spanish but did learn excellent Spanglish. We started a successful irreverence program in one extremely unfriendly ward, hauled young missionaries around since we had unlimited miles for our car and they didn’t, checked apartments and taught and baptized a few dear friends – the best part.

In the middle of that mission where we were both committed to keeping all the young missionary rules and feeling overwhelmed as a result God finally said gently but firmly, “Stop trying to do it right and just do it well.” Oh.

Our second senior mission was to Alaska where, to my great relief, I was not eaten by a grizzly bear. We did eat fresh seal, lots of salmon and some caribou. Again we went to God for our tasks and ended up entering 8500 names of Inupiaq ancestors into a genealogy database. Parker also had the unique experience of baptizing a young man in the just-barely-thawed Arctic ocean.

Today we live on 38.5 acres in wild wonderful West Virginia. I wanted to be near as many grandchildren as possible and Parker wanted free natural gas. Which we have thanks to the gas well on our property. Once again I’m serving as Relief Society president in our small branch where Parker is first counselor to the branch president.

I blogged and emailed about the experiences of turning my life over to God on a day by day basis then collected the writings together into a book. Or three. But I just didn’t know what it was all about. I asked God what the theme was since it looked like just a bunch of strung together anecdotes to me.

He said it’s about learning to be happy. And that’s when I really got it. It’s what Christ meant when he said “the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.” John 8:29

It’s not a “survive-the-day” program or a “God’s-task-for-the-day” program. It’s a “how-to-be-happy-soul-deep” program. Each day I take my very long list of things I want, ought, need to do to God and ask Him what He wants me to do. He tells me. It’s often not easy to do. But I do it. All day while I’m doing it I feel His love and pleasure. And I’m happy. And I’m not even 70 yet. Must still have lots to learn

My name is Katy, short for Kathryn. I’ve been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints since I was baptized at the age of eight years old. My parents were raised Mormon. My grandparents were raised Mormon. Their grandparents were raised Mormon…..I could keep going back to my pioneer relatives who crossed the plains, but that’s not why I am who I am.

My parents taught me from a very early age that I needed to find out for myself who I was and what my purpose on this earth was, if there was any. I had the best mom and dad. They made sure I knew I was loved and cared for. They made sure my three brothers and two sisters felt the same. But they also wanted me to learn how to stretch my “wings” and fly on my own.

When I was a senior in high school, I hung out with a wide variety of friends. Our own little “breakfast club” if you will. We had Jehovah Witnesses, Catholics, Agnostics, and even a Pentecostal minister in our group. I looked forward to lunch period every day, because we had the best conversations…about anything and everything. We’d discuss our religions, our own personal beliefs, our fears, our hopes, our individual relationships with God….and what was so cool was that we “got” each other.

I loved to answer their questions about Joseph Smith, The Book of Mormon, how I wanted to one day be married in the temple and why it was such a sacred place to me. It was in those conversations with my friends that I realized my own testimony of the beliefs I’d been taught my entire life. I knew what I was sharing was true, was right, was real, and was what I needed in my life forever.

After high school, I continued on to college and on in my journey of self-discovery. When I was 21, I met Dave, who was also a member of the Mormon Church as I was. We fell in love and were married in the temple for time and all eternity, not just till death. That has been such a comfort for us, knowing that even after this life, we will be together forever as we keep the commandments of God and strive to be like our Savior, Jesus Christ. We’ve been married for over 10 years and have three beautiful children. My oldest, our Hannah, just turned eight and made the decision to be baptized.

I enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. I enjoy serving in my community and in my church. I love my children and feel it is my responsibility to be the best mother I can so that they can have every opportunity I had as a child to learn and to grow and to become who it is they want to be. I want them to gain a testimony of how special they are, as is every child in this world. That they are children of God, that they have a Savior who loves them and knows them and wants them to have every happiness possible.

May every person in this world one day feel those same things in their hearts as I hope my children do.

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Read more Portraits of Mormon Women. If you are a Mormon woman who wants to submit a Portrait (of you or a Mormon woman you know), email us at gmail, username ‘mormonwoman’

(Laura on the left with good friend, Jaymie)

I am the fabulous Laura Stewart. I’m the youngest of 6 kids, and definitely unlike any of the ones before. I was raised in the same house, my parents never moved – they’re still there. I’m finding that the more I experience life, the more I realize that I had a flat out great childhood! I didn’t think so when I was in it though.

I am on my third husband. I married young, at twenty-one, and divorced two months later. I caught him doing cocaine on our kitchen table and I refused to be the woman that thinks things will change with a little love.

On to husband number two. We married in the temple, and did everything the right way. He was perfect. We loved baseball and traveled around in our bee-boppin’ Geo Metro from baseball diamond to baseball diamond. Finally, we got serious after four-and-a-half-years of marriage and had a baby boy. DJ was six months old when his father, my husband, died of cardiac arrest. DJ is now fifteen.

I’ve been married to Sam Stewart for thirteen years. I also got a two-for-one special and had twins that are now twelve years old. All boys.

I now help out in a preschool a couple of hours each day as the tech and they pay me for it! I love it. I do. When a four-year-old tells you your hair is cute, it makes your day! I’ve been doing that for ten years.

For fun, I volunteer somewhere. I spend time with my kids anxiously engaged in a good cause. It’s not the season for me to worry about what I think is fun, maybe that’ll come later, maybe not right now!

I have been the Young Women’s president, the Relief Society president and held various other callings. I LOVE nursery but love Stake Young Women Camp even more. That week away from the world is just good for the soul. It’s also absolutely and completely exhausting. I mean completely. But, it’s good.

One thing I love about the gospel of Jesus Christ is that it has taught me to recognize the tender mercies of the Lord. And when my mind is where it needs to be, I see them all over. When I lost my husband so suddenly, I had it good: I had people right there when I needed them; I had a supportive family. Not everyone has that.

I had my testimony strengthened when I had people close to me judging me and my ability to handle my husband’s passing at a young age, and to feel the Lord gently remind me that He loves me regardless, which has stayed with me forever. To feel my love deepen with Sam when our marriage hit a real rough spot due to my insensitivity, and having to fight for it does something to cement your eternal views and what it’s all about. This relationship goes on for eternity.

I love being a Mormon woman because that title alone brings great responsibilities and joys, and I welcome both. I still don’t understand when righteous Mormon women feel like they don’t measure up. Measure up to what? To who? That whole perfection thing? Nah, for me, it’s as simple as this: What season are you in? And what do you want out of it?

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For more Portraits of Mormon Women, please click here.

Hi—I am Valerie.  I am thirty-two and am married with four children, ages 10, 5, 3 and 7 months.  I love photography, crafts, blogging, teaching, cooking, spending time with family, hiking, playing basketball and discovering new places.

I would like to share an experience I had that tells me that God answers prayers.  I had just graduated with my Associates degree in Elementary Education.  I was accepted to Brigham Young University but had not scored high enough on the PPST, therefore, I wasn’t accepted into the teaching program.  I was not a good test taker, but was a hard worker.  I had a 3.8 GPA.  The worse part was that one point separated me from everything falling into place.  BYU had just raised the test score requirements.  If I had been able to apply for the program months earlier, everything would have worked out just fine.

But here I was, stuck . . .

I prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked that he would help me know what to do.  I was confused and distraught.  I didn’t know where else I would go.  I wrote a letter of appeal to the Dean of Education at Brigham Young University in hopes something would come of it.  In the meantime, I had an impression to return to the two-year school that I had just graduated in.  “Why would I want to do that?”  It would be kind of embarrassing to return, but I felt a strong urge to do so.

I returned and took the classes as if I were going to Brigham Young University.  I decided to not worry about my situation and exercise my faith and put my trust in the Lord.  I also decided that I wasn’t going to stress about school and grades and that I was going to just have fun and enjoy life.  It turned out to be the best semester of my life and on top of it, I ended up with a 4.0 that semester.  I also heard back from Brigham Young University that they had accepted my appeal and that I would be able to start next semester.

Everything worked out and I got my degree in 4 years, despite the minor setback.

I have always been grateful for the power of prayer, for a loving Heavenly Father who is mindful of our needs and hears and answers our prayers.  Sometimes it’s not in a way that we understand at that moment, but in a way that works out in the end.

Hi. My name is Susan Noyes Anderson (Sue), and I am happy to be joining the creative team here at Mormon Women. I’ve been aware of the site for some time through my blog pal, Michelle, and I hope I can contribute something of value to this wonderful community of writers, readers, and commenters who are linked by their shared interest in Mormonism. As a member of the LDS Church, I look forward to participating on a site where I can rub shoulders with others, both of my religion and not of my religion, with a view toward increasing our mutual understanding. Hey, finding out what makes other people tick is always a good thing, right?

I was raised in Southern California, the second child of a lovable but imperfect family that included three sisters, one brother, and me. My childhood was basically a joyful one, but as often happens, there were a few traumas along the way. Not the least of these was when my father, a bishop in our church, fell away from our religion and moved us rather abruptly to a new area. I was eleven years old at the time and held tightly through my junior high and high school years to the beliefs that had always anchored me. In college, however, I went through a time of questioning, testing the veracity and validity of everything I had been taught as a child. Over time, I proved to myself that the doctrine of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, as I knew it, was true. Because I am a pretty thorough investigator, this was a long process, but I began to re-establish my ties with the Church shortly after marrying the man I’d been dating steadily for three years. Happily, he was a Mormon, too, (though a completely disinterested one) because we eventually became active in our local ward together and were sealed in the temple a couple of years later.

Neither of us does things halfheartedly, so we threw ourselves into church activity and had wonderful experiences as a result. Our life together has been filled with good friends, strong family ties, meaningful pursuits, and significant spiritual experiences. Today my husband is the bishop of a singles ward, attended by young men and women from the ages of 18 to 30. I teach Relief Society in our family ward and try to stay somewhat involved there while maintaining a close connection to the ward my husband now attends. Sometimes, this is quite a balancing act, but it is also deeply satisfying on many levels.

My interests are varied, but motherhood and writing are where I live. I have four grown children, three grandchildren, and a blog. I also maintain a poetry site that includes nearly 200 of my poems, and I look forward to sharing some of my work here as well. By the way, I’ve authored three books: two of the self-help variety, with the third being a coffee table book of photographs and poetry.

I look forward to getting to know all of you better!

Barbara is a Mormon woman who is an example of courage, faith, endurance, love, and service. She is a woman of varied interests and talents, who has overcome significant obstacles in her life. She is also my aunt. Her words in this portrait are taken (with her permission) from a priceless book she wrote as a gift to her nieces and nephews a few years ago. (p.s. I’m re-posting this today because it got a little buried last week when accidentally posted simultaneously with another portrait.) ~Michelle

As a physical education major, I dreamed of being a high school teacher and coach, perhaps even serving on the LDS Church Sports Committee or playing ball for a county recreation team. I played intramural volleyball, field hockey, basketball and softball. I served as a dorm officer, a Sunday School teacher, a member and officer of Spurs (a national service organization), and one of six members of my university’s Women’s Intramural Council. In an average week, I attended over 9 hours of honors classes and participated in more than 20 hours of physical education activity classes. Often, I either practiced or performed in school plays — acting was my second love! I thrived on this fast, intense pace.

That pace was ground to a screeching halt when Barbara was in a car accident at the age of 19.

When the car skidded off the road, she was thrown from the car. Her back was broken, and she found herself paralyzed from the waist down. The dramatic miracle she prayed for did not happen. She struggled with hard questions:

Now what was I going to do? How do I live the way the Lord wants me to live in a wheelchair that I didn’t want to be in? Could I learn to live in this situation and like it? Was liking myself in a wheelchair even possible? Could I live life as a paraplegic with the same enthusiasm, excitement, vitality, and love of life as I had before?

I felt that to survive with my spirit intact, I had to change my attitude, my entire perspective of life. I had to eliminate the ever-present feelings of self-pity, doubt, and depression that had become my new norm. I had to discover how to meet challenges and grow positively from every experience. I needed to not ‘just get through’ each day, I needed to look forward with vigor and excitement at what was ahead. I was determined to do it, and knew that I alone would have to accomplish the task!

I remembered a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball: ‘We are not here for the fun of it. We are here for the joy of it, and we want to go forward and do our work as we should do it.’ I don’t know exactly when I began to accept my situation and realize that being the product of a great miracle and/or walking again was not essential for happiness.

Barbara built her life around important principles, which she sums up using the word JOY. She says:

I finally discovered that JOY meant having positive and fulfilling relationships with God and His Son, Jesus Christ (J), Others (O), and Yourself (Y).

As she moved forward, facing her challenges, Barbara learned to appreciate the wonder of her body, rather than focus on what her legs could not do. She worked to love and be patient with herself. She learned about the importance of trying, and not being so afraid of failure. (There was, after all, much failure along the way in learning to do things she had taken for granted: sitting up, getting into bed or the bathtub or the car, getting dressed, cooking, doing dishes, and so forth.)

She discovered new talents and interests, things she could do without the use of her legs. She writes:

I found I could do things I didn’t think were even possible for me. I play a mean game of table tennis (ping pong). Although I can’t climb mountains (and no one seems to anxious to push me up the trails), I can still go camping and see the sunset. I can ‘run’ rivers, even though I can’t run races. I learned to love tennis. I played catch on an intramural softball team. In my never-ending discovery mode, I even tried racquetball.

Barbara also tackled her fear of deep water and learned to swim. She discovered that being a paraplegic was an advantage in swimming, because half of her body naturally floats!

Barbara completed her college education, and also got a Master’s degree and a PhD. She taught junior high school (youth ages 12-14) for over 17 years, and then spent many years teaching at the university level. She is a talented public speaker and has spoken at many church, educational, and other events. A favorite memory of mine was when I met her in Washington D.C. and heard her keynote speech for the National Alliance for Partnerships in Equity.

Being in a wheelchair presents significant obstacles when traveling, but Barbara has faced those obstacles and explored numerous places around the United States (including Hawaii several times), England, the Caribbean, and Israel. One of my favorite pictures is of her on a roller coaster ride. I admire the way she allows people to help and serve her to make such experiences possible. The stories she tells of tender service rendered in her behalf throughout her life move me to tears.

But one of the things I admire and appreciate most about Barbara is the many ways she serves others. She has used her talents of painting, drawing, ceramics, cake decorating, cross stitching, writing, and entertaining to bless the lives of others, in particular her family. I’m honored to be a part of that family. Barbara’s challenges have brought our family together in special ways, and she has done many things to bring us together as well. Part of the reason I have a close relationship with my cousins is because of Barbara. Through the years, she has hosted numerous parties and showers and activities that have brought us together — and brought us closer to her. She gives gifts of time and self that are precious to us. While she mourns the fact that she has not been able to be a wife and mother in this life, she has nurtured us as “her children.” The next generation of more than three dozen grand nieces and nephews is now being blessed by her love and service.

I’m grateful for the faith she has lived and recorded for her family. After her accident, she struggled with questions of “Why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this?” She felt that perhaps the accident was somehow a punishment. She felt alone and abandoned by God.

Elder Harold B. Lee, an Apostle at the time (later the president of the Church) came to the hospital to give her a priesthood blessing. Barbara remembers in particular five simple words:

“Barbara, the Lord loves you.”

She testifies:

I realized there was one one person I could turn to for answers — my Father in Heaven. God does have all the answers, and He has provided me with answers to my specific questions. They didn’t come to me all at once, but they did come. By turning to Him, I now know God lives. He is listening and wants us to reach out to Him. He is real! I truly LOVE God. He has become my best friend. At times, I feel Him take my hand, give this chair a push, and we walk and talk together. I feel a close kinship to Christ and to my Father in Heaven, probably because my need for Them is so great.

It is my testimony that God, the Father, lives and loves me as He does all His children. I know that He knows my name; listens, hears, and answers when I pray; is aware of my trials and successes; and cares for me.

I know that God’s only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, lived on this earth, left a legacy of love, then gave His life on the cross for each of us, and was resurrected. He atoned for our sins making it possible for each of us to experience everlasting and eternal JOY when we return to our Father in Heaven after having loved and lived righteously.

I know my purpose on this earth is to experience JOY by fulfilling my God-given potential and loving and serving His children.

~by Jess

Hi!  My name is Jessica but most just call me Messy Jess.  I grew up in the Mormon Church. I married in the temple at age 26 and eight years later I am happy to be a stay-at-home mom with four children. I like to be active and busy.  My two favorite things right now is photographing my children’s every move and working out at the gym.

As a child I moved over 45 times before I graduated from high school.  Life was hard.  Most of my life lessons were learned from my mother as she lived the gospel as a single parent.  Her life was full of grace and sacrifice and service.  It is because of my mother that I have become who I am today.

I gained my true testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ after I graduated from high school.  Until then the gospel was something that had been taught to me – the ways of my family.  I took care of many children in their homes as their caregiver.  I experienced different ways of lifestyles and religion.  I spent summers on the island of Nantucket where many churches bellowed their sermons and music filled the Sunday morning air.  I relished the time I spent wandering from church to church being a guest in their house of worship.  It made me question the way I was raised and made me think about God and his purpose.

I pondered how Joseph Smith must have felt with so many churches claiming to be the true church as well as the faith and desire he had to serve God and to know who He was.  I myself wanted to know God and to know what God wanted from me.  I wanted to know if the things my mother had taught me were true.  I needed to know for myself if the things written in the scriptures were true.

I think it is through trials that I have grown closer to God. I think he wants us to remember Him and he wants us to talk with him in prayer.  He has always given me what I needed to progress and learn and grow. He has placed people in my life to help me.  Friends, teachers, mentors, and family.  Even when I felt alone I was never forgotten.  There were gentle reminders if I chose to look for them.

I am grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to know that I have a loving Father in Heaven and the miracles of forgiveness is through my Savior Jesus Christ.  I am so blessed to be able to teach this to my children so that they know who they are and whom to look for when they need encouragement or comfort and even to know whom to give thanks to.

Having a testimony of the gospel isn’t just something you believe in….it’s the way you live day to day.  It is who you are.  A child of God.  I pray that you will have the courage to allow God’s spirit in your life.  Yours truly, Jess

~by Michelle

Years ago, my father gave me a priesthood blessing. A key message of the blessing was that I would come to know how close God is, and how involved He can be in my life if I will let Him be. I have been thinking lately about how that blessing has unfolded over the years. I know He is there, but that knowledge has not come without struggle. As my dad often says, “To struggle is the program!”   I have lived a life full of unexpected opportunities and challenges (as we all do, I suppose). I didn’t think I would serve as an LDS missionary, but I did. Estoy agradecida por las oportunidades que tenía como misionera. Aprendía mucho, y me fe crecía mucho.

I didn’t think I would get a graduate degree, but I did. I felt guided toward something in which I had *no* interest in as an undergraduate student. (Surprise!) Getting an MBA (a Master’s in Business Administration) ended up being a tremendous blessing. As God guided me in my education, I discovered talents and passions I didn’t know I had. My education has impacted me in every facet of my life — in my personal growth and development, in my roles as a wife and mother, in my responsibilities at church, and in service opportunities in my community.

Of course, my education also benefited me in my professional pursuits. I never expected having to support myself, but was able to with a career that I loved. As a business consultant, I had amazing opportunities to travel to many different places (Italy was my favorite). I worked with and met many wonderful people.

During that time of my life, I lived on my own, hundreds of miles away from my family. I was grateful for the immediate and wonderful ward family I had. It was not easy being single while living in a place where there weren’t many single Mormon Church members, but I was surrounded by loving, supportive, faithful people who didn’t single me out because I was not married; they embraced me as a whole person. Ah, how I miss those people!

Even with the dearth of Mormon singles, I met my husband during this time through a connection from my mission. (We laugh that we grew up close to each other, but met while living far from home.) He came into my life at a time when I thought I wasn’t ready to open my heart; I had just ended a two-year relationship. But it became clear through personal spiritual guidance that I had met the man I would marry.

We didn’t expect children to come as quickly as they did; our three children were born in the first four years of our marriage. In those years, my husband also changed jobs three times, and we lived in three different states. I suffered from some postpartum depression. My first baby was colicky, and the transition from full-time consultant to full-time mom (I quit my job after baby #1 was born) was not always easy. Right before finding out we were pregnant with baby #2, I received a calling to be the president over the Young Women organization in our new ward, among people I hardly knew. So many things happened all at once! It was an exciting but very stressful time. I sometimes felt so inadequate.

I have probably felt most inadequate through the years as a mother. Motherhood has not come naturally to me, but I have felt God’s hand in my life in helping me develop and grow in the eternally-important roles as wife, mother, nurturer, homemaker. These roles have provided me numerous opportunities for learning and growth, and as I have given my heart to my God in serving my family, I have come to cherish the roles all the more. I have been surprised to realize that as my children grow, they need me in more significant ways than ever…spiritually, emotionally, mentally. I reflect often on teachings of prophets about the important roles women play in God’s plan, and think about Mother Eve and her title as “the mother of all living.” These things influence not only the way I want to mother my own children, but also the way I interact with others’ children as well. in how I should serve and love those around me.

Through the course of my journey, even as a stay-at-home mom, I have felt God’s hand providing opportunities for me to keep my pre-motherhood self alive as well. People who know me know that I love talking about creative ways stay-at-home moms can continue to learn, grow, and keep skills and a good network active. It takes creativity and a willingness to be flexible, but I believe God cares about women as individuals, too. He can help us know how to prioritize our lives appropriately, how different times and seasons might play out in our lives, and how He would have us use our talents. Sometimes the answers are unexpected, but I am learning how God’s plans for me are so much better than my own in the end, and/or that He will refine and guide my plans if I will let Him.

He also has helped me and continues to help me through hard times. We have looked back with gratitude that our children came so quickly, because I have struggled with undiagnosed chronic illness for seven years. In our case, this illness has meant that we have not been able to have more children. This trial has tested my faith and endurance in many ways. I have learned that healing and other blessings don’t always come how or when I would like them to, but that the Lord is intimately aware of my struggles. He has given me guidance, help, strength, and blessings in unexpected ways as I have tried to hold onto faith through the hard times, to learn from my trials. I am learning not to resent difficult challenges, but to look more for His hand in my life, to trust God more in all the twists and turns that life has. In my struggles, I have found God.

I cannot adequately express what my faith means to me. My knowledge of the eternal purposes of life and of the Atonement of Jesus Christ has influenced every facet of my life, has led me through every decision, has sustained me through every trial, has enriched every relationship. I look back on that blessing my dad gave me so many years ago, and can testify that truly God is there, and that He cares about me and my fears, hopes, dreams, insecurities, pain, joy, passions, relationships — He cares about it all.

Knowing that He is by my side, I look forward to whatever the future may hold.

]]> http://mormonwoman.org/2010/03/03/portraits-of-mormon-women-michelle-2/feed/ 7 http://mormonwoman.org/2010/02/24/portrait-of-a-mormon-woman-michelle/ http://mormonwoman.org/2010/02/24/portrait-of-a-mormon-woman-michelle/#comments Wed, 24 Feb 2010 11:00:01 +0000 mormonwomen http://mormonwoman.org/?p=5378

My name is Michelle. I’m a Mormon Woman, and I love our temples.

I first started going to the temple regularly after I was married.  My husband and I lived only five minutes away from the temple, and we went about once a month. It was easy to go, and we enjoyed spending the time together and being in the House of the Lord.

I got pregnant about nine months after we got married and I was terribly sick for my whole pregnancy. I rarely, if ever went anywhere other than work and church because I was so sick.  The temple was an “extra” and I fell out of the habit of going.

After my daughter, Ellie, was born,  I still couldn’t get back in the habit of attending the temple; I was  too afraid to leave my new baby for 2 hours at a time, I worried about the issues with nursing, and leaving her with a babysitter.

For a couple years, I had been having a pretty serious conflict with one member of my family.  I always considered myself optimistic, but found that I just wasn’t in a good place.  I kept feeling like this should be happiest time of my life, but I wasn’t happy.  I was consumed with feelings of anger towards this one particular person.

Time passed while my baby was tiny. I still read scriptures and prayed regularly, but I knew I needed to get back into the habit of attending the temple.

For me, the temple is a time to be by myself – away from distractions, and to feel peace. It’s a good reminder of the things that I believe in, and what my goals on earth are. Being in the temple reminds me of the person I want to become.  I feel inspired inside the temple.

Two years after the last time I had attended, my cousin was going to the temple for the first time and wanted me to go with her. I was so excited for her, and thrilled to attend with her! When my cousin had to postpone her special day by one day, I was so sad.  It made the experience of being in the temple together even better when we went the next day.

I remember clearly: the day we could finally get to the temple was a Thursday. I dropped off my baby, put a church CD on to listen in the car, and started feeling the Spirit strongly – couldn’t wait to get there!

The temple that I attend is on a steep hill, and I had to drive up that hill to get to the parking lot.  As I was driving, the song “Come, Come Ye Saints” started playing.  As soon as the temple came into my view, the chorus to the song started playing, and I heard the words Come, Come Ye Saints, like I was being personally invited to come to the temple.

I knew that I was supposed to be where I was right at that moment. I was so excited that I finally made it back after two years.  It is so easy to get out of the habit of doing what we’re supposed to do.

Attending the temple more regularly again has really helped me with not feeling anger. I feel peace from being there. My increased attendance hasn’t solved all my family issues, but it has helped me in the sense that it has taken my mind off of the negative. I’m not consumed with the problem. I’ve learned to deal with it, and learned where to turn for peace.

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For more information about Mormon temples, see this post.

For more portraits of Mormon women, please click here.