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Do you have a question about Mormon life and beliefs? Feel free to ask it here. Feel free to do so anonymously, if you prefer. We respond to every question via email and post many of the questions and answers here on the site. Please be sure your email address is valid. It will not be shared.

Simply leave your question in the comments section below, or send us an email at gmail, username ‘mormonwoman’ or ‘mormonwomen.’

Our responses will, of course, not be official LDS Church answers, but we figure that sometimes it can be helpful to hear from a run-of-the-mill Mormon.

180 Comments

  1. Hello Scared,

    So glad you reached out. You have zeroed in on an important truth — no one can tell you what to do. Ultimately, your best source will be God, so keep reaching out to Him to help you sort through things.

    That said, the Church has many articles about pondering what to do as an unwed mother.

    For example, from the Provident Living website:

    “Choosing to marry, single parent, or place your child with adoptive parents may be one of the most important decisions you will make in your life and will probably be the most influential decision affecting the life of your child.

    “When making such important decisions, it is best to gather as much information as possible, ponder its significance, and prayerfully take it to the Lord. Bishops, parents, extended family, friends, and professional counselors can be excellent sources of information to help and support you through this process.”

    https://providentliving.lds.org/lds-family-services/single-parent?lang=eng

    You can also reach out to others who have been in your shoes. I imagine LDS Family Services could help you find support groups and/or people you could talk to. In fact, they have a phone number you can call, too, for support and help.

    1-800-537-2229

    If you do decide to marry the father, then you could be married by a bishop in one of our church buildings. To be married in the temple, however, he would need to be a member for at least a year.

    God bless you as you work through this important decision. I have no doubt that as you lean on the Lord and trust your instincts about what is right, this will be an experience that can strengthen you and your faith. God is so aware of you, personally, and wants what is best for you and your unborn little one. Saying a prayer for you tonight!

  2. Jaclyn

    Hello,
    I recently was sealed with my husband in the temple and now I have to start wearing undergarments….I am struggling so hard with actually wearing them. I do not like both the top and bottom and do not feel attractive bc I guess I’m used to wearing “skimpy clothing” although I would say modest skimpy clothing. How do I get past not liking undergarments to wear them? Really need some advice!!!

  3. Jaclyn,

    I’ve asked some other women to help respond to your question as well, but my thoughts are to study more about the doctrine behind the garment. It can feel like it’s about clothing, but the core of the garment is about the Atonement and being covered by Christ. For example, you can read the story of Adam and Eve, ponder what is taught in the endowment session, read more about Old Testament symbolism in temple clothing (Exodus 29 is an example of a chapter you can read). There are articles at lds.org about the garment and we have a couple of articles here at Mormon Women, too.

    For me, anyway, these are things that make the garment something very meaningful for me.

    In a more practical sense, I also found that it took me a while to figure out which style I liked the best – in terms of fabric, cut (square neck vs. round, for example). It’s not uncommon for there to be an adjustment period, so I’d just say be patient with the transition.

    And pray lots so that God can help you connect with what He would have you understand about what wearing the garment can mean for you.

    Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

  4. Jaclyn,

    In the private FB group where I asked this question, many women responded with similar thoughts to the above, but the comment I wanted to share from that discussion was from someone I know and love deeply who wanted to be sure that you knew that you aren’t alone in your feelings. This woman is very faithful and is a personal inspiration to me for many reasons.

    For some, garments come to mean something more ‘deep’ over time, and for others, they remain a real, simple, and continued act of faith.

    She even called me so that I could feel of the love in her heart for you and the earnestness with which she chooses to show her faith by wearing garments even though she doesn’t love them, practically speaking.

    She wrote:

    “Michelle, she might just need the simple, over complicating things sometimes makes things overwhelming to people who are struggling with a certain principle or choice. I hope that she can find the strength. Please make sure to tell her how much her Heavenly Father loves her and is pleased that she is reaching out with the desire to try…and how much He wants to bless her with his end of the covenants that are promised by wearing the temple garment, and that He will be there to help her because she is so important to Him and He wants her to succeed even though He knows this is hard for her!!! Please tell her that I’m cheering for her too and send her my love!!!!”

    So first, I wanted to communicate that love and hope you can know that sisters care about you! I also just found it interesting to see the range of experiences and feelings about the garment. The common thread (no pun intended) is that those who wear them do so out of faith. Even that you are asking and desiring shows YOUR faith, and we all just encourage you forward in that process.

    Here is more of her experience, for what it’s worth.

    “Making sure the size and type are important. I would definitely mention that because some fits are better than others!

    “However, I actually agree with her and I always have! I do not like wearing garments and I have many very righteous friends that do not like it either. They are not flattering, they bunch in wrong places, they really add a layer of extra that I do not want/need, and they are very hot during the warmer times ( I could go on but no need)…on top of that they absolutely do not make me feel attractive…however, [to me] that isn’t what the point of wearing garments is about. I wear garments because I love my Heavenly Father and he asked me to. I have been wearing them faithfully for 23 years and I still feel the same way about them.

    “The truth is [you] might never learn to like them…I haven’t, but I did get used to them. I, also, make a conscious effort to make sure I do not stay in my exercise clothes or swimming suit/cover-ups too long so that I make sure I put them back on, because I really would prefer not to wear them. Heavenly Father knows that I really don’t like them and that’s okay. He never said I had to like garments, just that I have to wear them and for me I think it is also good to be obedient with a good positive attitude, so I really try not to complain.

    “Truth is, it is a way to show Heavenly Father that we love him and are willing to submit our will to His even if we don’t really want to or like it.

    “My suggestion is tell her it is okay not to like them and she might never come to really like them but if she will take a leap of faith and wear them as our Heavenly Father has asked us then she will have a stronger relationship with her Heavenly Father and He will help her during times that it gets hard to put them on and wear them properly.

    “Sometimes a simple prayer for help…a little, “I really do not want to do this today Father but I am going to because Thou asked me too, so please help me do this and have a positive attitude about it…” is enough to get us through it. Wearing garments is a way to actively do something that says, ” Heavenly Father, I choose to follow Thee today and Thou knows that I am trying my hardest because I am doing something that is hard for me.” Gaining a strong testimony of the temple is important and might help with the decision to put them on, getting a blessing for the strength to be able to do what one should is always helpful….however, to me it is as simple as basic obedience to our Heavenly Father.”

    Jaclyn, ultimately, this will be a journey between you and your Father in Heaven. Perhaps more meaning will distill over time for you as it has for many of us. And perhaps your experience will match more of this woman and others she knows who have similar feelings. Like she said, no matter what, as you come to know and lean on God’s love for you, He can help you with this and with any other thing that may be a struggle. He doesn’t always change or take away our struggles, but He will listen to them, love us through them, and give us the strength in His way and time to live with and learn from them.

    ~Michelle
    Editor

  5. Kourtney

    I have seen a lot of female Mormon passengers stand outside the vehicle while the driver backs up… Just curious what the reasoning is behind it. Thanks!

  6. Emily

    My family and I just recently moved to Wyoming, one day we decided to make a trip down to Salt lake city. I had been warned that I might be treated differently because I/we are not mormon. I was very suprised at how my children and I could walk through the stores and mall and not one person made eye contact or said hello. It was like we were invisible. So my question is this, why do Mormons not talk to non-mormons?

  7. Emily, I’m sorry to hear of your experience. We are encouraged to reach out and be kind to all, so it makes me sad that you left with a feeling we don’t talk to non-Mormons.

    I hope you will someday have an experience with Mormons that is positive so you can feel what we are supposed to live.

  8. Kathy Ostler

    I would like to get the sheet music on this is it available ?

  9. Dock

    I am struggling with a problem in my Stake. I have a high calling in my Ward and it is hard for me to sustain my Sp. and 2nd C. I absolutely love and feel the spirit from our 1st.C. I have two very beautiful daughters that are in our yw. program and home schooled the YW. president has decided to focus all of her energy on them by calling them out for things they are wearing (my 12 yo. wore a tank top to a Wed. night activity) that is not the only thing that has happened. I am struggling with the judgement with this ward and I feel as if I need to ask to be released. I was told bc of my calling I am under a microscope for every thing My family does right or wrong.I expressed my opinion pretty strong and said well that is judgmental and it is wrong to judge people. I was always told that a calling is for the person. We go to church (all of us) bc we are sinners not bc we are perfect, I would much rather go to church sit in a pew and just listen and feel the spirit. We are in the South so I don’t know if it is different here than the West but I feel there are different standards being pushed in different parts of the church (geographically). I wanted to turn to our area 70 and speak with him but I don’t know if that is possible. So again I throw my hands up in the air and keep going.

  10. If you are referring to Shawna Edwards’ music, you can find it here: http://doyouhaveroom.com/

  11. Kristen Call

    I am considering becoming a part of the Mormon religion, but I am very intimidated. My father and step mother, who live in California, are Mormon. I live in Iowa. As a young child, I attended the Mormon church with my family and often read scriptures with my Dad. However, my parents divorced when I was young and when I moved with my mother, I stopped attending church. While I have always maintained a close personal relationship with our Heavenly Father, I have not attended church in a very, very long time (over 10 years). I am also a young, divorced mother of 3 young children. The decision to divorce was a hard one that I made only because my husband had succumbed to the influence of drugs and had become a very dangerous and abusive man. Is there a place for my children and I in the Mormon church? I know that the Mormon church has wonderful family values and a strong faith. I would like to be a part of that again. However, I am afraid we will not be accepted because I am a divorced single mother.

  12. HEATHER

    WHAT DOES WOPAS STAND FOR?

  13. Julie Anderson

    I have a question. I am going to get married at the Las Vegas Temple 2/13. I will wear one of the dresses provided at the Temple. I would like to have pictures taken afterwards in a dress that is considered in the “civil world” which I got from a Bridal shop as a Mother of the Bride dress. I can make it totally LDS appropriate, garments covered (By wearing a matching colored cap sleeve tank under it), no cleavage, etc. It is royal blue, has a cute bolero jacket (that does have sequins), floor length. Is it appropriate for me to wear into the Temple, even though it is obviously dresser than Sunday dress?

  14. Julie, congratulations on your upcoming marriage! It’s great that you are planning ahead with questions like this. I would recommend calling the temple to find out what they would suggest. There are some articles/manual chapters that have some info (have you checked lds.org?), but usually they recommend asking the temple directly if you have any questions. That’s what I would recommend, since it probably depends on the dress.

  15. Sabrina

    Hello, I am a teacher and have a student who is LDS. She tells me she doesn’t think she can read a chapter about Native Americans clashing with Americans as it is against her religion. Is this true? I understand there are some different views about Native Americans in LDS, but this is history she is learning, not theology.

  16. Sabrina

    what are LDS views on werewolves? I would think these were not things you would want your kids reading about or playing a game about.

  17. Sabrina, reading history is most definitely not against our religion, and yet I also don’t want to pretend to understand what might have spurred this student to feel uncomfortable, so I’d just suggest talking with the student and perhaps her parents about it.

  18. Just wondering what spurred this question…. We don’t have a ‘view’ on werewolves, and each family makes its own choices about reading/viewing/playing standards. Our church doesn’t prescribe every action in our lives. We are taught principles and encouraged to make decisions using our own reason and conscience.

  19. Baron

    I have newly been introduced into the Mormon faith, I follow whole-heartedly, but my husband does not. He is talking about leaving me because of my transition. We have one daughter. What action do I take? Could I ever even re-marry?

  20. Baron,

    Yours is a difficult situation. One of the most beautiful truths in our doctrine is that God is real and is aware of all the details of your life, and that each of us can get personal revelation for what to do in our situations. There is no way any of us could help you know what to do because the specifics of each situation, especially when it comes to family life, are so personal. But God can.

    I don’t know if this would be helpful, but there is a forum that will be started soon for women who are married to men who have lost their faith, or in your case, who don’t share your faith. There are many who can make a marriage work with different faith traditions. Perhaps you would benefit from connecting with women in a similar situation?

    Feel free to email at mormonwomen at gmail for more information.

  21. Luna

    Can you really belong to a ward without the blessings of an eternal marriage? Can you really show up to church every week and not feel left out of the “real” part of church if you are not a temple recomend holder? I have been inactive for a while and I think I may prefer it this way. my husband is a good person and a non member. I work full time and often on sundays. I hate attending church with all the stay at home-sanctimonious-garment wearing-married in the temple mommies… I just don’t fit. I just don’t think I ever will.

  22. Luna,

    YES. One of my favorite thoughts from the October 2015 General Conference was from Pres. Uchtdorf: “Start where you are.” I’m sorry that it feels like women whose lives may differ from your are sanctimonious. Sometimes our culture can be very messily mortal.

    You fit with God. Church is first about coming to Christ, worshiping Him. Please come. Don’t let the messy mortalness around you keep you from that.

    Know that we messy mortals here at Mormon Women love you and hope you can find God where you are, and that someday you’ll come to find and feel Him in our midst. Sending love and prayers your way.

    (Also, if you didn’t get to hear it, Elder Andersen’s talk addressed how we can do better ministering to those whose lives don’t match the ‘ideal’ as taught in the Church (e.g., temple marriage, etc.) Our leaders are aware of how the ideals can sometimes leave people feeling like they don’t fit. I hope you won’t give up on us all. We’re learning and being taught as a community how to be better. It’s a process individually and collectively.)

    God bless you and your good husband.

  23. Lori Sharron

    Hello,

    My name is Lori Sharron. I am my church’s Sunday School Superintendent. We have our annual ‘Children’s Sunday’ coming up, and we are trying to get the service planned out. The theme this year is ‘Miracles of Jesus’. I was searching online for an appropriate song when I came across ‘The Miracle’ By Shawna Belt Edwards. What a beautiful song, and perfect for the theme!! I was wondering how I would get a copy of the sheet music so that out pianist can learn it and/or have it in front of him?

    Thank you for your time, Lori Sharron

  24. Heber

    Are you guys aware of the prophesied latter-day shift from Gentile to Israel spoken of in scripture?

  25. Orpha

    A high priest in the local branch of the LDS Church insistently teaches that though he and his current wife cannot be sealed in the temple while in this life (because each is sealed to a first spouse who died before this second marriage took place), that once they both are dead, their children can have this work performed for them vicariously so that in the eternities he will have both his former wife and current wife sealed to him and his current wife will be both sealed to her former and current husbands. Is this sound doctrine?!

  26. Orpha, thanks for your question. To learn more about temple work and how it works, we encourage people to search the topic at lds.org, and read the Family History manual. It can be found here: https://www.lds.org/manual/introduction-to-family-history-student-manual?lang=eng

  27. Good blog post. I certainly appreciate this website.
    Thanks!

  28. Jade

    I am a very high alert woman. I’ve spent most of my life in abuse and in horrid situations. Mormonism is probably the one religion where the happiness aspect is a big deal for me. However. I have a huge deal with Obedience.

    Because I believe that I am my own master of my life, and in being a good person I am able to assist others to better their own life. My personality suits well with the lifestyle, however there are very hard edges that simply will not change. I refuse to allow men who are not my husband even consider they are able to control and or demand something of me.

    Even my own husband does not demand that of me, we are partners and I hold his word higher than any one else that I know.

    I am not sure if I would be suited to get along with other Mormon women…My life has hardened me in some respects, and I am exceptionally fearful of males to the point of therapy.

    But I want to belong…I want a community I can be myself in. Without fear of being cast out for simply being vocal of my life experience and being tolerant and kind to even those who may not be living the life people want them to.

    I won’t lie. Seeing some of the posts my brain balks. It’s like I run into a brick wall because of religious doctrine. I was abused by family over and over again all in the name of obedience to God. All in the name of the church to “be a better person for my family”. It wasn’t better for me…I was abandoned by my church to be left in pain and misery and when I asked for help I was rebuked and told that it was my fault for not being open enough to helping them.

    So I don’t know…it gives me a headache…it makes me fearful to give up control to anyone. God has kept me safe but we have a very private relationship. It’s between me and Him. And that’s enough for me…I’m not sure I accept all of what Mormonism is about, but the core of it, the happiness and love is something that has always spoken to me…Sorry for the rant. I just…Don’t really know what to do.

  29. Michelle

    Why did the LDS church stop sponsoring ward, stake, and region sports? I look back on the days of my youth with fondness as I remember participating in church sports. My own children are now young men/young women age. I am sad that they will not feel the comradery I felt with ward and stake members in a sports setting. I came from a small ward. I remember going out in our neighborhood and recruiting inactive and non-member youth to play on our teams. It was an excellent missionary tool.

  30. Kevin Weaver

    Does the Mormon Church teach that Adam-ondi-Ahman, located
    In Northwest Missouri near Jameson, is the location of the Garden of
    Eden or is it the place that Adam and Eve went after God banished
    them from the Garden?

    But either way, how does that fit with the description in Scripture of the
    Garden of Eden having been located between the Tigris and Euphrates
    Rivers. And assuming they were banished from the Garden’s location
    as it is described in Genesis, are LDS members to believe that Adam and Eve travelled
    from somewhere in the Middle East (perhaps Iraq or Ethiopia) to this far corner of
    Missouri after God sent them out of the Garden?

    Are there any archaeological reasons to believe thus site in
    Missouri is a sacred site. Did Joseph Smith come to this
    conclusion by revelation or by some kind of empirical evidence.

    Obviously a great deal of Christian beliefs are based on faith alone
    but this particular belief seems to break very distinctly from
    other Christian denominations’ beliefs concerning this
    geographical question.

  31. Kevin, thanks for your question. First, I will respond with the following quote, which is important for those who share questions like yours

    From the official Church website: “The doctrinal tenets of any religion are best understood within a broad context and thoughtful analysis is required to understand them. … Some doctrines are more important than others and might be considered core doctrines. … A common mistake is taking an obscure teaching that is peripheral to the Church’s purpose and placing it at the very center. For example, the precise location of the Garden of Eden is far less important than doctrine about Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice.”

    I will highlight what you said that our foundation of faith is essential to understanding our views on topics such as these, but for genuine questions on the topic, we encourage you to research these questions by searching on lds.org, byustudies.byu.edu (e.g., https://byustudies.byu.edu/content/adam-ondi-ahman), fairmormon.org (e.g., the article highlights the quote above: http://en.fairmormon.org/Joseph_Smith/Garden_of_Eden_in_Missouri) about Adam-ondi-Ahman.

    Most of all, we encourage people to study our core beliefs about God, Jesus Christ, the plan of salvation, the Book of Mormon and restoration of the Church…all of which are essential to understanding who we are, what we believe, and how we live.

    https://www.lds.org/church/news/history-and-doctrine-of-the-adam-ondi-ahman-revelation-subject-of-symposium-presentation?lang=eng
    https://history.lds.org/article/doctrine-and-covenants-far-west?lang=eng

  32. I loved playing sports as well. One of the things about a continually changing and growing church is that programs adapt to the growing needs of the international communities. I cannot, of course, speak for the Church, but I am confident that there were reasons for this change that likely extend beyond what those of us who grew up in the Church understand.

    Still, I love the fact that many of our buildings worldwide include sports courts. 🙂

  33. Jade, first of all, I apologize for the delay in a response. As you can see I haven’t done much of anything here for a while. Life has been insane.

    THANK YOU for your honest, vulnerable comment. I want to be sure you know that I don’t consider this a rant at all! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. My heart goes out to you and I hope some of what I say might be helpful.

    Please know that you aren’t alone in your life experiences. The concept of obedience can sometimes be used in abusive ways (both in relationships and sometimes even within someone’s own mind) and I have seen it cause problems for several friends, and this can be true both in and outside of Mormonism, as you have experienced. Again, I am so sorry for what you have been through.

    Please also know that the trauma of such mis-application of these concepts *can* be overcome. In my observation, that process is very personal, so I wouldn’t pretend to prescribe what that should look like, but I can share some of what I’ve observed in others’ journeys.

    – I have seen a lot of women benefit from help from therapists who understand the concept of betrayal trauma. This is often used in intimate partner betrayal healing, but it also has powerful truths and tools for trauma in a religious setting as well. Trauma is a body’s way of self-protection. Healing opens up new ways of responding to life, relationships (and faith!).

    – Many women suffer from confusion about God and even rejection of Him as they face the reality of their abuse/betrayal. That you have a relationship with Him that is so deep and personal is wonderful. Cherish and rely on that! He truly is the core answer to this journey, both your healing journey and your spiritual/religious questions.

    – I believe and have seen many, many times over how God works with people to unpeel the layers that keep high-alertness and other survival mechanisms in place. As one of my favorite authors (Melodie Beattie) writes, defense mechanisms often save lives…until they will often reach a point where they no longer serve such a benevolent purpose and turn to causing more harm than good. That turning point comes in God’s way and time, and it opens up space for even more healing.

    (That said, if you feel defense mechanisms about some of what you read here, that could be as much about how things were written or expressed as about truth. So take whatever works and leave the rest, at least for now. And take your questions to God. HE is the source of truth and can bring resources, people, etc. to help answer your questions. We messy mortals often don’t do a very good job explaining how He works — and learning how He works really is so personal!)

    – Even with that said about God, my observation has also been that there is often a very practical element to healing that is critical to working through the kinds of questions you are posing. So don’t feel like you have to jump in full throttle with everything you read about Mormonism. Trust your process. Your healing journey is yours. Claim it and trust it….

    – As you explore things like Mormonism, I would urge you to trust what DOES click. Of course, trust what doesn’t (yet?) click — your triggers are information for your journey and can guide you with boundaries for your healing. These things are gifts in their own weird way because they show each of us where we need God’s healing and help. But so are the things that resonate with your soul somewhere beyond the trauma. (I don’t know how God speaks to you, but that transcendent ‘beyond’ my mortal body’s way of dealing with stress and confusion is how I recognize Him. In fact, He and I have a sort of deal where if He wants me to get a message, He has to use some other channel than the one that leaves me worried, confused, or wanting to pull my hair out. —because for ME, sometimes my brain would translate obedience in ways that left me fearing God. This is NOT what He wants me to feel. Duh. But I had my own healing from OCD stuff that I had to engage in to learn that. Still learning!))

    As a verse in the Book of Mormon says, “even if you can no more than desire to believe, let that desire work in you.” It sounds like the seeds of some of our beliefs resonate with your spirit. Let those seeds work in you as you continue to work through your very real trauma and valid questions.

    Also, if you experienced sexual abuse and would be interested in connecting with Mormon women working through traumas like that, feel free to join the private forum at hopeandhealinglds.com/forum. This forum was created after I saw the need for women suffering from trauma (mostly in their marriages)…but healing from trauma from sexual abuse can be very similar to what these women are facing. Also, they are a safe community where you can share about these kinds of life experiences in a non-judgmental setting. (I’m the admin over there. It’s through that role where I have read and seen hundreds of women and their stories of trauma (and its predictable patterns, regardless of the specific nature of the trauma), and have witnessed the healing process in ways that have impacted my life very deeply. You might get along with these Mormon women. 🙂

    I will say again that I hope that if and as you continue to study more about our faith that you will come to understand that the core of our doctrine is to learn to trust God, first and foremost. Your personal relationship with Him is the foundation point of our faith. Start there. Keep nurturing that relationship with Him. Let HIM guide you in your next steps with what to do.

    And feel free to keep asking questions. You can also email me at mormonwomen a/ gmail d/ com or hopeandhealinglds a/ gmail d/ com.

    Godspeed to you.

    ~Michelle, admin

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