Ask a ??

Do you have a question about Mormon life and beliefs? Feel free to ask it here. Feel free to do so anonymously, if you prefer. We respond to every question via email and post many of the questions and answers here on the site. Please be sure your email address is valid. It will not be shared.

Simply leave your question in the comments section below, or send us an email at gmail, username ‘mormonwoman’ or ‘mormonwomen.’

Our responses will, of course, not be official LDS Church answers, but we figure that sometimes it can be helpful to hear from a run-of-the-mill Mormon.


  1. Maddie

    Do Mormons believe that God never changes? If so, I have a question: For a long time Mormons encouraged if not required polygamy. Why have you changed and now say that practice is not permissible? If God doesn’t change His mind, would you say that your early leaders were wrong? If so, couldn’t they have been wrong about many other things?

  2. Maddie, thanks for your question. It’s one I think many people have, so I’ve addressed it in a full post. :)

  3. Cate, thanks for this question. It IS a beautiful idea. I am going to compile a few quotes for you. I’ll get back to you soon.

  4. Trina

    How should a LDS women act? Public and in private? I’m a new convert and don’t exactly know everything.

  5. Trina,
    Congratulations on your baptism! I’m not sure how to answer your question. Do you have some specific concerns? I would just encourage you to do your best and listen for the guidance of the Spirit. If you do have specific questions, I would encourage you to talk to your Relief Society President and/or visiting teachers if they have been assigned to you. (If not ask that you can have some!)

    I’ve never experienced being an adult convert, but I imagine the transition has its challenges–as any life transition would. Help those who minister to you know how they can support you. Help them know of your questions and concerns.

    Really, I just hope you can feel like you can come be yourself a and feel loved and welcomed in your ward or branch.

  6. Daddy

    My son has a friend that is a Mormon he met at school….he is now best friends with him and wants to invite him over for a sleepover….what are the rules as far as being social with other family’s outside of their religion?

  7. Hi Daddy,

    Thanks for wanting to be sensitive to your son’s friend. In answer to your question, there are no “rules” per se for being social re: having friends outside of our faith — except that we should not use our faith as a dividing line for friendships! For example, one of our apostles said this: ” I have heard about narrow-minded parents who tell children that they cannot play with a particular child in the neighborhood simply because his or her family does not belong to our Church. This kind of behavior is not in keeping with the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. ” (Elder M. Russell Ballard)

    Youth *are* encouraged to build friendships with those who have similar values and standards, so they can build each other up and strengthen each other in their desires to live according to their values.

    You mention the possibility of a sleepover. As an FYI, many Mormon families don’t do sleepovers. This is not an official rule per se, but has been mentioned a couple of times as counsel, and even before then, I knew of many families who had already made such a decision. I mention this so you can be prepared for that possibility. But please don’t misinterpret that as being a “you are not Mormon and that is why we don’t want to do a sleepover with you.” Those who don’t do sleepovers usually don’t do them with any friends, Mormon or not.

    For what it’s worth, in our house, our kids do “lateovers” — enjoying fun time until later into the evening than a usual get-together, but without the sleeping over. Perhaps you could consider something like that as an option if this family doesn’t do sleepovers.

  8. hannah

    hi I recently married a mormon. I been to church a few times, but i’m shy to go to studies afterwards. i’m different from the women and want to learn condiments in myself to try being a mormon. I come from catholic background but growing up was not very religious how can I fell comfort.

  9. Darrin Ivie

    Do the women of the church honestly feel lessor than their husbands? My wife and I work daily with relationships. What won’t seem to work is if one gives up or take emotional time….to me a very dangerous position. So I work hard at finding specifics/basics

  10. Darrin,
    You are right that it takes time and commitment to build a partnership in a marriage. The doctrine is clear that husband and wife are equals before God and expected to work as equal partners in their homes.

  11. To Darren Ivie;
    My husband is a convert to the church. We communicate and see each other as equals. We have great communication and treat each other, as we would want to be treated ourselves. I never have felt lessor than my husband. We come together as one as spouses should unite together in goodness and in keeping gods commandments. He is head of our household, but we come together when making important decesions for our family, and for us as a couple.

  12. Sally

    You need to have a statement on this website that clarifies that this site is not officiially affiliated or maintained by the church.

  13. Sally,
    That is an important point, and we do mention it in several ways. E.g.

  14. Cathy

    My husband of 18 years started following ex Mormon groups on the net and has now left the church. I am in desperate need of finding others to talk to that will understand what we are going through. All I can find are people who left the church with their unbelieving spouse, or advise leaving the spouse to stay in the church. I am navigating the extremely rocky road of wanting to keep both marriage and faith strong. This is the first truly positive site I have found. Can anyone out there tell me if such support exists? My sweet bishop and stake president don’t know if anyone else going through this. I think there are so many more out there like me that are suffering in silence.

  15. Cathy, I sent you an email a while back, but perhaps you didn’t get it. You are not alone in this. Email me at mormonwoman at gmail and I can make some suggestions of places you might be able to connect with some women who are in marriages where different faith/belief systems are present.

  16. J

    I would love to talk to Cathy as I am going through the exact same thing with my husband only we have been married for 30 years! Is there a way that we can share e-mail addresses privately?

  17. J, you are definitely not alone. If you want me to send your email to Cathy I can.

    You can also email me and I can suggest a couple of places you might be able to connect with other women.

  18. p.s. Cathy and J…here’s a post we did on a topic that is along the lines of what you have each written about. It has some thoughts from various women.

  19. New to pinterest, how can I be added to the line up of Mormon Mom Blogger? Thanks so much in advance!

  20. Kristyn

    **I’m sorry if I’m using incorrect terminology – I’m new to this**

    I was researching the beliefs of the LDS church and came across an ex Mormon woman who claimed she and her husband left the faith because it was impossible for Mormon men to respect women. She claimed the faith teaches the men that they can only have one wife on this Earth, but depending on how well they behave in this life, they are granted several wives in their kingdom afterwards (making their earthly wife a stepping stone to more power and essentially meaningless).

    This is so discouraging to me! I have always admired the strength and love that I witness in Mormon marriages and have so much respect for the way Mormon men view their wives as equals – seeing the true value of Motherhood.

    Please tell me this woman is incorrect and husbands are taught to cherish their wives!

  21. Kristyn,

    Thank you for taking the time to ask this very important question. Although you may have individual circumstances where a husband will mistreat his wife, our Church’s teachings are VERY clear about how important it is for men to cherish their wives as equal partners. Motherhood is also such a critical part of our teachings.

    I am glad to hear that you have witnessed this respect in Mormon marriages. Trust your instincts on this one.

    I’ve asked some LDS women to share favorite talks or articles on this subject so you can read more about these teachings if you want to. You might consider looking up “equal partners” on

  22. herine Michael

    I’m a new member in this church and I don’t know about thing in church. Right now I have a calling and I not familiar wot it. God has been chooen me to be a first distrist preidency. Can you heip me?

  23. annette

    Dear friend in Christ,
    ” The Woman at the Well” is one of my favourite Bible stories. I just came across the video posted on Feb 26, 2012 on mormonwoman. Could you please tell me what video/movie this is taken from?
    Thank you very much!

  24. annette,
    This video is part of a Bible video series produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You can find all of the Bible videos here:

    Each video is created around an event in the Savior’s life as recorded in the New Testament about the Savior.

    You might also be interested to read a little about the unique and dedicated set built for the making of these videos.

  25. Kacie

    Are LDS teens allow to masterbate i know it can be a sin, but god has given differnt feelings to us. Can you repent to god?

  26. Kacie, LDS teens are taught to not arouse sexual feelings in their bodies through masturbation, pornography or other means. The sexual feelings we have are given to us from God and they have a divine purpose in His plan. The reason there are high standards about sexual purity is to guard that purpose. Sexual feelings are meant to bring a husband and wife together to express love and bring children into the world.

    Repentance is absolutely part of His plan. If you are struggling with this, I would encourage you to talk to someone about it, too, so that you can feel loved and supported. I think one reason why the counsel to not masturbate is there is because it’s a lonely activity. Finding ways to connect with friends and others who care can be really good to help you not feel alone.

  27. Maggie

    I am a bit confused about your website. It seems to promote everything I believe as a Mormon woman, but in your links about mormon women in the news it refers to the articles about mormon women wanting to have the priesthood, which I do not agree with as that is not supporting our church leaders, and the basic doctrine is completely misunderstood by those women. Which side does this website stand on this issue? Also, Is this the same website ass Mormon Women Stand?

  28. Maggie,
    Thanks for your question. Sorry if anything is unclear. We absolutely, unequivocally support our leaders and the doctrine of the priesthood as it stands. Could you point me to any article that left you feeling unclear? I’d like to double-check to see if there is anything I would want to add to clarify our position.

    And we are not Mormon Women Stand.

  29. Callie

    I know this isn’t a typical question to really ask but I feel my life is in absolute chaos And feel so Lost and confused. I’m a Mormon and been raised in the church all my life. Though feel like I’m not living up to standards. The past two years I’ve been in depression from a sexual incident my older female cousin forced me through at six and got me into Drinkingpornography. I’m really struggling though all of this and I’ve never really experienced the priesthood being exercised in my house. My dad isn’t a member and my brother fell into a Drinking and tobacco chew habit. I feel totally alone in my house because there’s never a moment of peace and never feel the spirit really Because of all the yelling and cursing. Then church expects me to be the example with my family who never really speaks to me. How can I with all this going around. I need advice badly on what to do.

  30. Callie,
    I am so glad you reache out! This is actually the type of a question that represents struggles that many people have.

    I would highly recommend that you consider attending a 12 step support group. You could do AA or SA meetings and/ or find a church addiction recovery meeting. You could also attend an Al-anon meeting as you are the loved one of an alcoholic as well. Any of these types of meetings could help you learn from others with similar struggles about how to find peace while living with someone with an addiction and/or how to allow God to help you overcome your addictions and the effects of the terrible abuse you suffered as a young child. I have heard many stories of those who have struggle with pornography addictions who were abused and/ or exposed by adults at very young ages. You are not alone!

    Often, when someone has experiences such abuse, professional help can often make a difference as well. Feel free to email me at mormonwomen @ gmail if you have more questions. I know a lot of people doing these 12 step programs and they can be life changing. Peace is possible even in the midst of chaos.

    I will say a prayer for you!


  31. sam

    Hi! I’m a 17 year old girl and my boyfriend is leaving on a mission soon. He wants me to wait for him, and I want to as well. I’ve also thought about serving a mission myself once I reach the age. Both of our parents feel good about us waiting, but I would like to get others opinions. Is it a good idea for me to wait? What things should I/should I not do?

  32. Emz


    I am a non Mormon but am currently in a relationship with a Mormon who is serving his mission at the moment. We are incredibly happy together and I’m still waiting for his return. We have discussed many things in terms of our future together when he comes back from his mission. You see…I am a catholic and I have just recently learnt about the fact that if we was to decide to get married in the temple, (after I’ve been baptized and everything) I will not even be able to have my own parents present at my wedding. Now this is a huge thing for me! My parents and family are a big deal and this is only only issue me and my other half have at the moment. He isn’t forcing me into marrying him but Obviously he can’t do anything more about that but stick with his faith, so the call is on me. I want to know is there anyway around to having both my parents at my wedding in he temple where we can hopefully work things out??

  33. Hi Emz,
    Thank you for your question. As mentioned on, it is a tender subject. I thought I would just share what is said about this at I imagine there are some personal essays on the topic. I would recommend searching about temple dealings/weddings to learn more as well.

    I have family members who cannot enter the temple. What can I do to help them feel included in my temple marriage?

    This can be a tender subject. Since the temple is the house of the Lord, dedicated to Him, those who enter must hold a current temple recommend, which certifies that they are living by the standards He has set. [And have made the covenants in the temple to live those standards.] However, those who do not have a current temple recommend are welcome on temple grounds, and most temples have a room where they can wait while family members are being sealed. A couple with family members who cannot enter the temple may invite their bishop or another Church member to stay with them in the waiting room.

    “A couple may also arrange with their bishop to hold a special meeting afterward for relatives and friends who do not have a [temple] recommend. This meeting provides an opportunity for them to feel included and to learn about eternal marriage. Although no ceremony is performed and no vows are exchanged, rings may be exchanged at such a meeting.”

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. My sister was in this situation with her wedding. Her in-laws were at the temple while the ceremony took place and then we all gathered with them for photos and the rest of the day’s celebration. We had a ring ceremony as well.

    I could connect you with her if you would like to ask her some questions. I think it can help to talk to others who have experienced this.

    Best to you. Trust God. He will guide you as to what to do!

  34. Nichole

    Hi! This isn’t probably a typical question you get but I really need advice…
    I met my husband a few years back. We dated a few months then I went to college and had no contact with him for a year, I moved back home and we started dating again, this time for 3 months then we got engaged and married almost 3 months later.
    He has a “best friend” that I did not trust at all she even admitted to having a crush on MY HUSBAND! My husband and I have really only had one subject that we fight about and it’s her! It got to the point that he would see her/ spend more time with her and text her more than me, I was talking to my cousin about this and she told me that was an emotional affair, I didn’t want to believe it but she brought up an article on that completely matched our situation :( she told me I needed to talk to out bishop and so I did! At this point I was staying with my cousin because I was so upset! Anyways when we met with our bishop my husvand was extrely rude and said I was a psycho jealous person and he never wanted tobe intimate or have children with me anymore, however Bishop told us that I needed to move back in so I did for a month and it was terrible we had hardly any contact and he wouldn’t come home until really late and if he was home he avoided me until the wee hours of the morning I would stay up so we could read and pray together… We live in a very small town so everyone was talking and everything had got blown ways out of proportion to where people were asking him why he had an affair!! Finally it got to the point where certain people didn’t want to be his clients anymore and he blamed it on me! I tried to explain that I never complained about his clients but he wouldn’t believe me! So I decided we needed to seperate so we both could heal and work on ourselves for a bit, it’s been almost 3 weeks now and we’ve had hardly any contact besides a few texts about business. I told him I want to work things out and that I’m willing to wait until he’s ready but I have not heard anything back! :( I am only 20 and have been married for 4 months! I didn’t get sealed for time and eternity to watch my marriage fail after 4 months! I am so lost and don’t know what to do! My husband is extremely stubborn and I have done all that I can do to try and fix us but I know that he has to decide he wants this too! I’m just afraid he is already working on divorce papers! What do I do?! Has anyone else faced a divorce this soon in their marriage?! Do we stand a chance ever again?

  35. Nichole,

    I’m so sorry to hear this is happening. I had two thoughts come to mind. One would be to connect you with Kenna. She did a guest post a while back about her divorce at a very young age. She is someone who can really understand the feelings of being early in your marriage and having it unravel.

    Secondly, if you have an LDS Addiction Recovery Family Support meeting in your area, you might consider attending meetings. That may sound strange to suggest, but the principles that are shared in those meetings can apply to any hard relationship, not just one that is affected specifically by addiction. I think you could find some support and thoughts and validation and understanding. You can find the (brand new!) support guide for spouses and loved ones online at

  36. Cher

    I have hand made something for Cassidy but do not know where or how to send it along with a card. Please tell me where to mail. Thank you.
    Cheryl in Texas

  37. Jamie

    I really want to become Mormon. I have set up a meeting with the missionaries, however going to church makes me very nervous. I don’t know anybody there and I won’t know what to do. Also, my family is against Mormonism and don’t believe in it. I am 17. Can you tell me what I might expect at church and how to deal with my family?

  38. Jamie,

    Thanks for your question. Way to be brave! Be sure to talk to the missionaries about your concerns and questions, too. They can help you connect with people in the local congregation there where you live (called a ward or a branch, depending on its side) so that you don’t have to feel so alone.

    We have a past post that might answer some of your questions. It’s called What to Expect at Mormon Church services on Sundays.

    I also just wanted to give a brief overview.

    There are three different meetings on Sundays. Sacrament meeting is the central meeting. It’s usually held first, but some areas do it last. This is a meeting where everyone comes together, partakes of the sacrament (you can decide whether you want to partake or not — it helps those who have been baptized to remember their baptismal covenants and is also just a time to think of the Savior and of our relationship with God and what we can do to keep following the Savior in our lives). Talks are given by members of the congregation. Each sacrament meeting starts and ends with a hymn and a prayer, and there is a hymn before the sacrament as well.

    The second meeting is Sunday School. Classes are divided by age group. Again, the missionaries could help you know where to go and connect with others your age and/or they might invite you to a Gospel Principles class, which is an awesome Sunday School class where the basic principles of the gospel are discussed. Adults meet together in Sunday School classes.

    The third meeting allows young women and young men to each meet with their age groups, and adult women and adult men also meet in separate meetings. The Young Women meetings will give you opportunities to connect with other youth.

    You are definitely not alone with having a family that is not supportive of Mormonism. I think the best advice is to rely on God and trust His guidance. He understands all the ins and outs of your situation and can help you know what to do along the way so that you can build your faith and do your part to seek to nurture your relationship with your family. You might also look on to see if you can find any stories from people who have been in similar situations. For example, I just did a search and found this article. It may not fully reflect your situation, but it does seem to touch on some of your concerns.

    Sending a virtual hug your way. Trust God’s Spirit. He will guide you!

  39. Yadira

    I’ve been invited to a Mormon wedding at LDS and I’m a Christian, I’ve heard that I will not be allowed into the temple, but the invitation has the LDS address on it. Were should I go, my friend getting married knows I’m not Mormon, why would she invite me if I wasn’t going to be able to enter the temple. I’m confused help!!

  40. Yadira,
    Thanks for your question. I can think of a couple of possibilities here.

    If the address is of the temple proper, your friend may have invited you to come to the temple grounds to enjoy their beauty and gather with others who also may not be attending the ceremony (this would include any children or teens who are active members of the Church). Wedding party photos are also usually taken.

    Very often receptions are held at LDS church buildings (different from a temple), so be sure to double-check to see if the address is for a church building rather than a temple.

    Either way, know that your friend obviously wants you to join in the celebration of her wedding! We hope you have a wonderful time doing so.

    I hope this helps. Please feel free to ask other questions if I didn’t adequately answer your questions, and/or if you have other questions.

  41. RJJ

    Okay so, I have a bit of a spiel before I get to my question, here goes. I am a gay man, and I’d say I’m out and proud, and very happy with my lifestyle, I have friends who follow the Mormon teachings and they are genuinely accepting of my lifestyle and loving, dear friends on top of that acceptance. I don’t believe in any religion myself but I’m respectful of others beliefs, and I’d like to think I’m extremely at peace with my friends and their faith and beliefs (I come from the UK and have a very varied pool of friends with extremely varied belief systems). From what I can gather in research and from my friends is that the Church of LDS is against not homosexuality itself, but homosexual acts, as the sin is in the behaviour, not the predisposition to act sinfully, and that one of the reasons the Church is against homosexuality is that homosexual acts take place outside of marriage. This leads me into my question, if the law of the land were to change to allow same-sex marriage would that then, in your opinion. possibly lead the Church to a new stance on the issue of homosexuality? I ask this here because this seems like a level headed forum of ideas and you give more casual advice and guidance than the official Church of LDS, and also because I have a great respect for Mormons in general, I’ve never met an unkind or impolite Mormon (and manners are rated very highly by me) and as a whole the organised religion of the Church of LDS doesn’t seem to want to condemn anyone, I may be wrong but as far as I can see it’s more about praising goodness and faith then condemning sinners to hell, and I can get on board with that ideal. Thank you for any light you can shed on this issue, hope all is well.

  42. Sad Grandma

    Just a little background about me. I grew up Muslim, baptized as Christian at 16, married a Catholic (30 yrs. together/second marriage for both), then went back to my Muslim roots. I love God and respect all religions. I love to learn about all religions. But, I admit, I do not know much about the Mormon faith.
    My husbands son grew up as a Mormon. We attended his beautiful wedding in Utah. And today they have 3 beautiful children, our grandchildren. We have tried to be closer as a family since then. But, it hasn’t worked. When we were finally able to afford to go from California to Utah to visit, it was the first time we were meeting the two grandchildren (boys 4yrs & 1 yr). It was the best thing ever!! And the best visit, loving, friendly & polite. We thought we would be closer as a family. Our son has not called since then. Then we found out they had a baby daughter…on Facebook. We were so hurt that they thought we were so unimportant to let us know with a phone call. This beautiful child is our 7th grandchild…I am crying now, thinking that I may never see her. I wish I could fix this. Most people say it is the Mormon faith that keeps him away from us. But, I find this hard to believe. All faiths teach to honor & love your parents, right? He seems to be rude and uncaring to his mother & sister too (we are all friends despite the past). Why would he not want to be in contact with us. We are good people, no abuse in the past. I want to send Christmas gifts, letters, etc. to them. I also want to know more about the Mormon faith so I understand. My husband has given up. He said as long as his son is happy and the children are healthy and have what they need, then he will back off. This is not good enough for me. What about the babies? Am I wrong? Just looking for a suggestion or education…I appreciate your advise.

  43. Hello Sad Grandma,

    I am so sorry to hear about this. Of course, I cannot possibly understand what is motivating your son to make choices like this, and I am saddened that people will say that it’s the Mormon faith that is causing this. Family is so important in our faith. Respecting others’ faith choices is also part of our belief. Whatever is happening is about your husband’s son’s personal choices, and only he could explain why he is choosing this.

    And I’m so sorry for your pain. I can only imagine how much it hurts. All you can do is your part to try to keep the door open for a relationship. My heart aches with the reality that you can’t make him want one. Perhaps that is where your husband is…realizing that you can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do, for whatever reason.

    I pray that your relationship with God can be strengthened through this time when your heart is breaking. Again, I am sorry for your pain.

  44. Scared pregnant young women


    I’m a 21 year old who is baptized in the Mormon faith when I was 12. Since then I’ve strayed from the church but still practice my beliefs each day. My question is what do I do now that I’m pregnant with out being married? I’ve prayed about it and asked my parents about it but no one can give me an answer!! The dad is in the picture and plans on staying around but he is not part of the faith and doesn’t plan on getting baptized. My other question is when we plan on getting married will we be able to get married in the church or the temple since I would love to do that. Please help me with my search for answers. Thanks

  45. Hello Scared,

    So glad you reached out. You have zeroed in on an important truth — no one can tell you what to do. Ultimately, your best source will be God, so keep reaching out to Him to help you sort through things.

    That said, the Church has many articles about pondering what to do as an unwed mother.

    For example, from the Provident Living website:

    “Choosing to marry, single parent, or place your child with adoptive parents may be one of the most important decisions you will make in your life and will probably be the most influential decision affecting the life of your child.

    “When making such important decisions, it is best to gather as much information as possible, ponder its significance, and prayerfully take it to the Lord. Bishops, parents, extended family, friends, and professional counselors can be excellent sources of information to help and support you through this process.”

    You can also reach out to others who have been in your shoes. I imagine LDS Family Services could help you find support groups and/or people you could talk to. In fact, they have a phone number you can call, too, for support and help.


    If you do decide to marry the father, then you could be married by a bishop in one of our church buildings. To be married in the temple, however, he would need to be a member for at least a year.

    God bless you as you work through this important decision. I have no doubt that as you lean on the Lord and trust your instincts about what is right, this will be an experience that can strengthen you and your faith. God is so aware of you, personally, and wants what is best for you and your unborn little one. Saying a prayer for you tonight!

  46. Jaclyn

    I recently was sealed with my husband in the temple and now I have to start wearing undergarments….I am struggling so hard with actually wearing them. I do not like both the top and bottom and do not feel attractive bc I guess I’m used to wearing “skimpy clothing” although I would say modest skimpy clothing. How do I get past not liking undergarments to wear them? Really need some advice!!!

  47. Jaclyn,

    I’ve asked some other women to help respond to your question as well, but my thoughts are to study more about the doctrine behind the garment. It can feel like it’s about clothing, but the core of the garment is about the Atonement and being covered by Christ. For example, you can read the story of Adam and Eve, ponder what is taught in the endowment session, read more about Old Testament symbolism in temple clothing (Exodus 29 is an example of a chapter you can read). There are articles at about the garment and we have a couple of articles here at Mormon Women, too.

    For me, anyway, these are things that make the garment something very meaningful for me.

    In a more practical sense, I also found that it took me a while to figure out which style I liked the best – in terms of fabric, cut (square neck vs. round, for example). It’s not uncommon for there to be an adjustment period, so I’d just say be patient with the transition.

    And pray lots so that God can help you connect with what He would have you understand about what wearing the garment can mean for you.

    Sending thoughts and prayers your way!

  48. Jaclyn,

    In the private FB group where I asked this question, many women responded with similar thoughts to the above, but the comment I wanted to share from that discussion was from someone I know and love deeply who wanted to be sure that you knew that you aren’t alone in your feelings. This woman is very faithful and is a personal inspiration to me for many reasons.

    For some, garments come to mean something more ‘deep’ over time, and for others, they remain a real, simple, and continued act of faith.

    She even called me so that I could feel of the love in her heart for you and the earnestness with which she chooses to show her faith by wearing garments even though she doesn’t love them, practically speaking.

    She wrote:

    “Michelle, she might just need the simple, over complicating things sometimes makes things overwhelming to people who are struggling with a certain principle or choice. I hope that she can find the strength. Please make sure to tell her how much her Heavenly Father loves her and is pleased that she is reaching out with the desire to try…and how much He wants to bless her with his end of the covenants that are promised by wearing the temple garment, and that He will be there to help her because she is so important to Him and He wants her to succeed even though He knows this is hard for her!!! Please tell her that I’m cheering for her too and send her my love!!!!”

    So first, I wanted to communicate that love and hope you can know that sisters care about you! I also just found it interesting to see the range of experiences and feelings about the garment. The common thread (no pun intended) is that those who wear them do so out of faith. Even that you are asking and desiring shows YOUR faith, and we all just encourage you forward in that process.

    Here is more of her experience, for what it’s worth.

    “Making sure the size and type are important. I would definitely mention that because some fits are better than others!

    “However, I actually agree with her and I always have! I do not like wearing garments and I have many very righteous friends that do not like it either. They are not flattering, they bunch in wrong places, they really add a layer of extra that I do not want/need, and they are very hot during the warmer times ( I could go on but no need)…on top of that they absolutely do not make me feel attractive…however, [to me] that isn’t what the point of wearing garments is about. I wear garments because I love my Heavenly Father and he asked me to. I have been wearing them faithfully for 23 years and I still feel the same way about them.

    “The truth is [you] might never learn to like them…I haven’t, but I did get used to them. I, also, make a conscious effort to make sure I do not stay in my exercise clothes or swimming suit/cover-ups too long so that I make sure I put them back on, because I really would prefer not to wear them. Heavenly Father knows that I really don’t like them and that’s okay. He never said I had to like garments, just that I have to wear them and for me I think it is also good to be obedient with a good positive attitude, so I really try not to complain.

    “Truth is, it is a way to show Heavenly Father that we love him and are willing to submit our will to His even if we don’t really want to or like it.

    “My suggestion is tell her it is okay not to like them and she might never come to really like them but if she will take a leap of faith and wear them as our Heavenly Father has asked us then she will have a stronger relationship with her Heavenly Father and He will help her during times that it gets hard to put them on and wear them properly.

    “Sometimes a simple prayer for help…a little, “I really do not want to do this today Father but I am going to because Thou asked me too, so please help me do this and have a positive attitude about it…” is enough to get us through it. Wearing garments is a way to actively do something that says, ” Heavenly Father, I choose to follow Thee today and Thou knows that I am trying my hardest because I am doing something that is hard for me.” Gaining a strong testimony of the temple is important and might help with the decision to put them on, getting a blessing for the strength to be able to do what one should is always helpful….however, to me it is as simple as basic obedience to our Heavenly Father.”

    Jaclyn, ultimately, this will be a journey between you and your Father in Heaven. Perhaps more meaning will distill over time for you as it has for many of us. And perhaps your experience will match more of this woman and others she knows who have similar feelings. Like she said, no matter what, as you come to know and lean on God’s love for you, He can help you with this and with any other thing that may be a struggle. He doesn’t always change or take away our struggles, but He will listen to them, love us through them, and give us the strength in His way and time to live with and learn from them.



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