Ask a ??

Do you have a question about Mormon life and beliefs? Feel free to ask it here. Feel free to do so anonymously, if you prefer. We respond to every question via email and post many of the questions and answers here on the site. Please be sure your email address is valid. It will not be shared.

Simply leave your question in the comments section below, or send us an email at gmail, username ‘mormonwoman’ or ‘mormonwomen.’

Our responses will, of course, not be official LDS Church answers, but we figure that sometimes it can be helpful to hear from a run-of-the-mill Mormon.

138 Comments

  1. Maddie

    Do Mormons believe that God never changes? If so, I have a question: For a long time Mormons encouraged if not required polygamy. Why have you changed and now say that practice is not permissible? If God doesn’t change His mind, would you say that your early leaders were wrong? If so, couldn’t they have been wrong about many other things?

  2. Maddie, thanks for your question. It’s one I think many people have, so I’ve addressed it in a full post. :)

    http://mormonwoman.org/2013/06/11/why-dont-mormons-practice-polygamy-now-lds-belief-in-living-prophets/

  3. Cate, thanks for this question. It IS a beautiful idea. I am going to compile a few quotes for you. I’ll get back to you soon.
    Michelle
    -Editor

  4. Trina

    How should a LDS women act? Public and in private? I’m a new convert and don’t exactly know everything.

  5. Trina,
    Congratulations on your baptism! I’m not sure how to answer your question. Do you have some specific concerns? I would just encourage you to do your best and listen for the guidance of the Spirit. If you do have specific questions, I would encourage you to talk to your Relief Society President and/or visiting teachers if they have been assigned to you. (If not ask that you can have some!)

    I’ve never experienced being an adult convert, but I imagine the transition has its challenges–as any life transition would. Help those who minister to you know how they can support you. Help them know of your questions and concerns.

    Really, I just hope you can feel like you can come be yourself a and feel loved and welcomed in your ward or branch.

  6. Daddy

    My son has a friend that is a Mormon he met at school….he is now best friends with him and wants to invite him over for a sleepover….what are the rules as far as being social with other family’s outside of their religion?

  7. Hi Daddy,

    Thanks for wanting to be sensitive to your son’s friend. In answer to your question, there are no “rules” per se for being social re: having friends outside of our faith — except that we should not use our faith as a dividing line for friendships! For example, one of our apostles said this: ” I have heard about narrow-minded parents who tell children that they cannot play with a particular child in the neighborhood simply because his or her family does not belong to our Church. This kind of behavior is not in keeping with the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. ” (Elder M. Russell Ballard)

    Youth *are* encouraged to build friendships with those who have similar values and standards, so they can build each other up and strengthen each other in their desires to live according to their values.

    You mention the possibility of a sleepover. As an FYI, many Mormon families don’t do sleepovers. This is not an official rule per se, but has been mentioned a couple of times as counsel, and even before then, I knew of many families who had already made such a decision. I mention this so you can be prepared for that possibility. But please don’t misinterpret that as being a “you are not Mormon and that is why we don’t want to do a sleepover with you.” Those who don’t do sleepovers usually don’t do them with any friends, Mormon or not.

    For what it’s worth, in our house, our kids do “lateovers” — enjoying fun time until later into the evening than a usual get-together, but without the sleeping over. Perhaps you could consider something like that as an option if this family doesn’t do sleepovers.

  8. hannah

    hi I recently married a mormon. I been to church a few times, but i’m shy to go to studies afterwards. i’m different from the women and want to learn condiments in myself to try being a mormon. I come from catholic background but growing up was not very religious how can I fell comfort.

  9. Darrin Ivie

    Do the women of the church honestly feel lessor than their husbands? My wife and I work daily with relationships. What won’t seem to work is if one gives up or take emotional time….to me a very dangerous position. So I work hard at finding specifics/basics

  10. Darrin,
    You are right that it takes time and commitment to build a partnership in a marriage. The doctrine is clear that husband and wife are equals before God and expected to work as equal partners in their homes.

  11. To Darren Ivie;
    My husband is a convert to the church. We communicate and see each other as equals. We have great communication and treat each other, as we would want to be treated ourselves. I never have felt lessor than my husband. We come together as one as spouses should unite together in goodness and in keeping gods commandments. He is head of our household, but we come together when making important decesions for our family, and for us as a couple.

  12. Sally

    You need to have a statement on this website that clarifies that this site is not officiially affiliated or maintained by the church.

  13. Sally,
    That is an important point, and we do mention it in several ways. E.g.http://mormonwoman.org/2008/01/26/about-our-site-purpose-and-comment-policies/

  14. Cathy

    My husband of 18 years started following ex Mormon groups on the net and has now left the church. I am in desperate need of finding others to talk to that will understand what we are going through. All I can find are people who left the church with their unbelieving spouse, or advise leaving the spouse to stay in the church. I am navigating the extremely rocky road of wanting to keep both marriage and faith strong. This is the first truly positive site I have found. Can anyone out there tell me if such support exists? My sweet bishop and stake president don’t know if anyone else going through this. I think there are so many more out there like me that are suffering in silence.

  15. Cathy, I sent you an email a while back, but perhaps you didn’t get it. You are not alone in this. Email me at mormonwoman at gmail and I can make some suggestions of places you might be able to connect with some women who are in marriages where different faith/belief systems are present.

  16. J

    I would love to talk to Cathy as I am going through the exact same thing with my husband only we have been married for 30 years! Is there a way that we can share e-mail addresses privately?

  17. J, you are definitely not alone. If you want me to send your email to Cathy I can.

    You can also email me and I can suggest a couple of places you might be able to connect with other women.

  18. p.s. Cathy and J…here’s a post we did on a topic that is along the lines of what you have each written about. It has some thoughts from various women.

    http://mormonwoman.org/2012/10/15/ask-a-mormon-woman-my-spouse-has-chosen-to-leave-the-church-now-what/

  19. New to pinterest, how can I be added to the line up of Mormon Mom Blogger? Thanks so much in advance!

  20. Kristyn

    **I’m sorry if I’m using incorrect terminology – I’m new to this**

    I was researching the beliefs of the LDS church and came across an ex Mormon woman who claimed she and her husband left the faith because it was impossible for Mormon men to respect women. She claimed the faith teaches the men that they can only have one wife on this Earth, but depending on how well they behave in this life, they are granted several wives in their kingdom afterwards (making their earthly wife a stepping stone to more power and essentially meaningless).

    This is so discouraging to me! I have always admired the strength and love that I witness in Mormon marriages and have so much respect for the way Mormon men view their wives as equals – seeing the true value of Motherhood.

    Please tell me this woman is incorrect and husbands are taught to cherish their wives!

  21. Kristyn,

    Thank you for taking the time to ask this very important question. Although you may have individual circumstances where a husband will mistreat his wife, our Church’s teachings are VERY clear about how important it is for men to cherish their wives as equal partners. Motherhood is also such a critical part of our teachings.

    I am glad to hear that you have witnessed this respect in Mormon marriages. Trust your instincts on this one.

    I’ve asked some LDS women to share favorite talks or articles on this subject so you can read more about these teachings if you want to. You might consider looking up “equal partners” on lds.org.

  22. herine Michael

    I’m a new member in this church and I don’t know about thing in church. Right now I have a calling and I not familiar wot it. God has been chooen me to be a first distrist preidency. Can you heip me?

  23. annette

    Dear friend in Christ,
    ” The Woman at the Well” is one of my favourite Bible stories. I just came across the video posted on Feb 26, 2012 on mormonwoman. Could you please tell me what video/movie this is taken from?
    Thank you very much!

  24. annette,
    This video is part of a Bible video series produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You can find all of the Bible videos here: https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/?lang=eng

    Each video is created around an event in the Savior’s life as recorded in the New Testament about the Savior.

    You might also be interested to read a little about the unique and dedicated set built for the making of these videos.

    https://www.lds.org/church/news/jerusalem-movie-set-ready-for-dedication-and-filming?lang=eng

  25. Kacie

    Are LDS teens allow to masterbate i know it can be a sin, but god has given differnt feelings to us. Can you repent to god?

  26. Kacie, LDS teens are taught to not arouse sexual feelings in their bodies through masturbation, pornography or other means. The sexual feelings we have are given to us from God and they have a divine purpose in His plan. The reason there are high standards about sexual purity is to guard that purpose. Sexual feelings are meant to bring a husband and wife together to express love and bring children into the world.

    Repentance is absolutely part of His plan. If you are struggling with this, I would encourage you to talk to someone about it, too, so that you can feel loved and supported. I think one reason why the counsel to not masturbate is there is because it’s a lonely activity. Finding ways to connect with friends and others who care can be really good to help you not feel alone.

  27. Maggie

    I am a bit confused about your website. It seems to promote everything I believe as a Mormon woman, but in your links about mormon women in the news it refers to the articles about mormon women wanting to have the priesthood, which I do not agree with as that is not supporting our church leaders, and the basic doctrine is completely misunderstood by those women. Which side does this website stand on this issue? Also, Is this the same website ass Mormon Women Stand?

  28. Maggie,
    Thanks for your question. Sorry if anything is unclear. We absolutely, unequivocally support our leaders and the doctrine of the priesthood as it stands. Could you point me to any article that left you feeling unclear? I’d like to double-check to see if there is anything I would want to add to clarify our position.

    And we are not Mormon Women Stand.

  29. Callie

    I know this isn’t a typical question to really ask but I feel my life is in absolute chaos And feel so Lost and confused. I’m a Mormon and been raised in the church all my life. Though feel like I’m not living up to standards. The past two years I’ve been in depression from a sexual incident my older female cousin forced me through at six and got me into Drinkingpornography. I’m really struggling though all of this and I’ve never really experienced the priesthood being exercised in my house. My dad isn’t a member and my brother fell into a Drinking and tobacco chew habit. I feel totally alone in my house because there’s never a moment of peace and never feel the spirit really Because of all the yelling and cursing. Then church expects me to be the example with my family who never really speaks to me. How can I with all this going around. I need advice badly on what to do.

  30. Callie,
    I am so glad you reache out! This is actually the type of a question that represents struggles that many people have.

    I would highly recommend that you consider attending a 12 step support group. You could do AA or SA meetings and/ or find a church addiction recovery meeting. You could also attend an Al-anon meeting as you are the loved one of an alcoholic as well. Any of these types of meetings could help you learn from others with similar struggles about how to find peace while living with someone with an addiction and/or how to allow God to help you overcome your addictions and the effects of the terrible abuse you suffered as a young child. I have heard many stories of those who have struggle with pornography addictions who were abused and/ or exposed by adults at very young ages. You are not alone!

    Often, when someone has experiences such abuse, professional help can often make a difference as well. Feel free to email me at mormonwomen @ gmail if you have more questions. I know a lot of people doing these 12 step programs and they can be life changing. Peace is possible even in the midst of chaos.

    I will say a prayer for you!

    Michelle

  31. sam

    Hi! I’m a 17 year old girl and my boyfriend is leaving on a mission soon. He wants me to wait for him, and I want to as well. I’ve also thought about serving a mission myself once I reach the age. Both of our parents feel good about us waiting, but I would like to get others opinions. Is it a good idea for me to wait? What things should I/should I not do?

  32. Emz

    Hello.

    I am a non Mormon but am currently in a relationship with a Mormon who is serving his mission at the moment. We are incredibly happy together and I’m still waiting for his return. We have discussed many things in terms of our future together when he comes back from his mission. You see…I am a catholic and I have just recently learnt about the fact that if we was to decide to get married in the temple, (after I’ve been baptized and everything) I will not even be able to have my own parents present at my wedding. Now this is a huge thing for me! My parents and family are a big deal and this is only only issue me and my other half have at the moment. He isn’t forcing me into marrying him but Obviously he can’t do anything more about that but stick with his faith, so the call is on me. I want to know is there anyway around to having both my parents at my wedding in he temple where we can hopefully work things out??

  33. Hi Emz,
    Thank you for your question. As mentioned on LDS.org, it is a tender subject. I thought I would just share what is said about this at LDS.org. I imagine there are some personal essays on the topic. I would recommend searching LDS.org about temple dealings/weddings to learn more as well.


    I have family members who cannot enter the temple. What can I do to help them feel included in my temple marriage?

    This can be a tender subject. Since the temple is the house of the Lord, dedicated to Him, those who enter must hold a current temple recommend, which certifies that they are living by the standards He has set. [And have made the covenants in the temple to live those standards.] However, those who do not have a current temple recommend are welcome on temple grounds, and most temples have a room where they can wait while family members are being sealed. A couple with family members who cannot enter the temple may invite their bishop or another Church member to stay with them in the waiting room.

    “A couple may also arrange with their bishop to hold a special meeting afterward for relatives and friends who do not have a [temple] recommend. This meeting provides an opportunity for them to feel included and to learn about eternal marriage. Although no ceremony is performed and no vows are exchanged, rings may be exchanged at such a meeting.”

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. My sister was in this situation with her wedding. Her in-laws were at the temple while the ceremony took place and then we all gathered with them for photos and the rest of the day’s celebration. We had a ring ceremony as well.

    I could connect you with her if you would like to ask her some questions. I think it can help to talk to others who have experienced this.

    Best to you. Trust God. He will guide you as to what to do!

  34. Nichole

    Hi! This isn’t probably a typical question you get but I really need advice…
    I met my husband a few years back. We dated a few months then I went to college and had no contact with him for a year, I moved back home and we started dating again, this time for 3 months then we got engaged and married almost 3 months later.
    He has a “best friend” that I did not trust at all she even admitted to having a crush on MY HUSBAND! My husband and I have really only had one subject that we fight about and it’s her! It got to the point that he would see her/ spend more time with her and text her more than me, I was talking to my cousin about this and she told me that was an emotional affair, I didn’t want to believe it but she brought up an article on lds.org that completely matched our situation :( she told me I needed to talk to out bishop and so I did! At this point I was staying with my cousin because I was so upset! Anyways when we met with our bishop my husvand was extrely rude and said I was a psycho jealous person and he never wanted tobe intimate or have children with me anymore, however Bishop told us that I needed to move back in so I did for a month and it was terrible we had hardly any contact and he wouldn’t come home until really late and if he was home he avoided me until the wee hours of the morning I would stay up so we could read and pray together… We live in a very small town so everyone was talking and everything had got blown ways out of proportion to where people were asking him why he had an affair!! Finally it got to the point where certain people didn’t want to be his clients anymore and he blamed it on me! I tried to explain that I never complained about his clients but he wouldn’t believe me! So I decided we needed to seperate so we both could heal and work on ourselves for a bit, it’s been almost 3 weeks now and we’ve had hardly any contact besides a few texts about business. I told him I want to work things out and that I’m willing to wait until he’s ready but I have not heard anything back! :( I am only 20 and have been married for 4 months! I didn’t get sealed for time and eternity to watch my marriage fail after 4 months! I am so lost and don’t know what to do! My husband is extremely stubborn and I have done all that I can do to try and fix us but I know that he has to decide he wants this too! I’m just afraid he is already working on divorce papers! What do I do?! Has anyone else faced a divorce this soon in their marriage?! Do we stand a chance ever again?

  35. Nichole,

    I’m so sorry to hear this is happening. I had two thoughts come to mind. One would be to connect you with Kenna. She did a guest post a while back about her divorce at a very young age. She is someone who can really understand the feelings of being early in your marriage and having it unravel.

    http://mormonwoman.org/2014/01/12/facing-trials-with-faith-divorced-at-21/

    Secondly, if you have an LDS Addiction Recovery Family Support meeting in your area, you might consider attending meetings. That may sound strange to suggest, but the principles that are shared in those meetings can apply to any hard relationship, not just one that is affected specifically by addiction. I think you could find some support and thoughts and validation and understanding. You can find the (brand new!) support guide for spouses and loved ones online at arp.lds.org

  36. Cher

    I have hand made something for Cassidy but do not know where or how to send it along with a card. Please tell me where to mail. Thank you.
    Cheryl in Texas

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Questions and Answers about Mormon Women | Mormon Women: Who We Are - [...] a Question Click here for info on how to submit a [...]
  2. Mormon.org Ad Campaign in New York City: "I'm a Mormon" | Mormon Women: Who We Are - About LDS Life and Belief - [...] a Question Click here for info on how to submit a [...]
  3. Ask a Mormon Woman: Does it make sense for me to join the Church? | Mormon Women - About LDS Life and Belief - [...] a Question Click here for info on how to submit a [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>